Of Bars and Secrets
by Trapped in a MatchBox
Summary: What happens at The Old Haunt stays at The Old Haunt.
1. Chapter 1

**Of Bars and Secrets**

It had been a particularly stressful week and she had been dealing with a particularly difficult case. When she walked into "The Old Haunt" that night, her only intention was to have a drink and relax a little before going home. To be honest, she had wanted to go home straight after she left the precinct, but her boys had convinced her to go and unwind for a little while at what was now _their_ hang out place.

She hadn't seen Castle in over a week as he had been away for a book tour in the west coast. She would deny even under torture if someone had asked her, but – at least to herself – she admitted that she missed him. Going to work wasn't as fun and fulfilling without him there to press her buttons and pull on her pigtails. Strange how her entire perspective when it came to her job had changed since Castle had barged into her life.

He was supposed to be touring for two weeks and it had only been ten days since she had last seen him. So imagine her surprise when she walked into "The Haunt" and the first person she laid eyes on was him, nursing a drink by the bar. He turned around at the sound of the doors opening and her heart skipped a beat when his lips turned up in a smile when he saw her.

She couldn't help the smile that immediately graced her lips and walked over to him, Detectives Ryan and Esposito following her closely behind.

"Why, Detective Beckett, fancy seeing you here." Castle said, his eyes sparkling with humor.

"Right back at you, Castle. Aren't you supposed to be in California?" she said, her smile never leaving her lips.

"Yeah, the last couple of cities were postponed until next month. I just got back in town this morning and thought I'd see how things were going here." He explained and she took a seat next to him. "So what did I miss? Anything interesting?"

She busied herself by ordering a martini while the boys filled him in on this week's particularly trying case. She didn't even want to think about it and was just glad it was over. Even after being a detective for years, she still couldn't distance herself from whatever case she was working on. When it was about children, like the last one had been, it hit her really hard and she did her best to forget about it afterwards. Well, not forget – she could never forget her cases – but at least hide it away in a dark corner of her mind under lock and key.

"Kate?" she was startled by his voice and especially by the fact that he had called her by her first name. When she turned to look at him, his face was so close to hers that she involuntarily shied away.

"Yeah?" she asked, taking a sip of her martini to hide the blush creeping on her cheeks. He had caught her off guard being so close to her like that. She could feel his breath on her skin and it was doing wicked things to her body.

"You okay?" he asked, concerned. "You're awfully quiet." He tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear and she fought hard not to shiver when his hand lightly brushed against her cheek.

"Yeah, just tired. This case was… it was hard." She sighed and he offered her a small smile.

"The guys were telling me about it. I'm glad you caught the guy who killed her." He touched her hand and she looked at their hands touching for a moment. What exactly was he doing, she wondered to herself.

Looking back at him, she nodded and took another sip of her drink.

"How was the tour?" she asked, leaning against the bar.

"Exhausting. I think I'm getting too old for this. It's not as fun and exciting as it used to be." He looked away and she gave his hand – which was still holding hers – a comforting squeeze.

"I thought you liked meeting your fans and signing autographs and stuff."

"No, don't get me wrong, I do. I really appreciate the fans and everything. I just don't like being away from home for long periods of time anymore." He looked at her for a beat and she bit on her bottom lip, trying to decipher what exactly he meant by that.

"I'm sure Alexis misses you." She offered, not quite sure what to say.

"And I miss my little girl like crazy too. It's been just the two of us for so long, you know. And usually she gets to tag along for those tours, but she had this important exam, apparently. Personally, I just think she didn't want to leave Ashley." He said with a laugh and Kate chuckled, nodding.

"Well, that's young love for you. I'm glad things are working out for them, though."

"Yeah, I guess." He shrugged and they were silent for a minute. "You know, I missed you too." He confessed and she looked at him surprised.

"Oh." She said after trying unsuccessfully to think of an answer to that.

"Now would be the time for you to tell me that you've missed me too." He wiggled his eyebrows at her, grinning.

"Not a chance, Castle." She slaps his arm playfully.

"Oh, come on. Not even a little? You did admit once that you've gotten used to me pulling your pigtails." He encouraged and she shook her head, smiling.

"Fine, maybe a little bit." She admitted and he grinned at her victoriously. "And if you ever tell someone that, I'll deny it even under torture."

"Duly noted." He gave her a salute and she rolled her eyes at him.

"Hey, guys?" Ryan interrupted their banter and they looked at him. "You guys up for game of pool? Me and Javi against you two?"

"What do you say, Detective?" Castle offered his hand to her and she took it without hesitation.

"You're on." She grinned at him and turned to Ryan. "You guys are _going down_."

* * *

After successfully beating Esposito and Ryan multiple times at the pool table, Kate and Castle collected their winnings from the ever increasing bet that took place during the game. Ryan decided to call it a night, saying Jenny was expecting him at home and Esposito left shortly after him, which left the writer and the detective alone in the bar with a bottle of vodka.

She was already feeling a little tipsy when Castle decided to prepare one of his special drinks that he insisted was the best thing he had ever invented. She rolled her eyes at his statement, but decided to humor him, anyway. She knew she would have to at least get a cup of coffee to sober up before she could drive home, but there was still time and she was enjoying herself way too much to leave.

He grinned at her as he placed the colorful drink in front of her. She rolled her eyes at him again and took a sip of the fruity mix. She could taste the vodka in it, but only slightly. She looked up at him and he was raising his eyebrows at her expectantly.

"Are you sure you didn't make this virgin? I can barely taste any alcohol in it." She took another sip to prove her point.

"Ah, my dearest detective, that's where you're wrong. I have mixed a very healthy dose of vodka in there. That's what makes this my best invention ever. It's my little secret." He winked at her and she shook her head with a laugh.

"What is it, then?" she asked curiously, but he shook his head. "Oh, come on, Castle. You love to share your stories."

"Uh-uh, Kate. This one remains a secret. It's a great way to get people to loosen up a little without them noticing it."

There he was, calling her Kate again. She wasn't exactly sure what had changed, but he had been calling her by her first name all night long. Not that she minded in the least. If she was honest with herself, she loved the way her name sounded when he said it; it made her feel like they were more intimate than they actually were.

With a grin, he started to make another one for himself. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Are you trying to get me drunk, Mr. Castle?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I think you're already on your way there, detective. You don't need my help." He smirked at her and she slapped his arm, outraged.

"I am _not_ drunk!" she exclaimed and he laughed at the look on her face.

"I didn't say you were, Kate. I just said you're getting there." He explained, trying to keep a straight face.

"I am _not_." She insisted and he laughed again, even rolling his eyes at her, the bastard.

"You know, if I knew you were such a fun drunk, I would have gotten you drunk _way_ before this." He told her with a smirk and she slapped his arm again.

"Speak for yourself, writer boy. I doubt you'll be able to drive home." She shook her finger at him with a grin.

"I took a cab here." He told her with a victorious grin. "And you totally just admitted that you're drunk."

"I told you, I am not drunk. You know I can hold my liquor!" she said, exasperated.

"Fine, whatever you say, Kate." He said and she felt her skin break out in goose bumps at the sound of her name rolling from his lips. Maybe she was drunker than she thought, she mused to herself. "How about another game of pool?" he suggested as a peace offering and she took his outstretched hand when he came over to her side of the bar.

"Bring it on, Castle." She grinned at him and tried to ignore the tingly feelings running up her arm as he led her to the pool table. It was just the alcohol buzzing through her system, she tried to reason with herself.

They flipped a coin to choose who would shoot first and Kate took the pool cue from his hand, grinning at him teasingly. Positioning herself, she aimed the cue at the white ball and tried to hit it. When she missed it completely, Castle tried to stifle a laugh.

"And you say you're not drunk." He smirked at her knowingly and she glared at him.

"You do it, then, if you're so much better." She responded childishly, fighting the urge to stick her tongue out at him.

He rolled his eyes and walked over to her side of the table, until he was standing behind her. "Come on, let me help you." He touched her hand and helped her position the pool cue just right to hit the white ball.

Multicolored balls were sent flying across the table and she felt her body trembling slightly at his proximity. What the hell was happening to her?

"See, we make a good team." He whispered close to her ear and she fought the shiver that wanted desperately to run through her body.

"I guess we do." She said back and turned her head to look at him, making the mistake of focusing on his lips first. She swallowed hard and bit on her bottom lip before looking up into his eyes. "Thanks for the help." She told him quietly, aware that his eyes were now focused on her lips.

She licked her lips, feeling her mouth dry all of a sudden, and held her breath when she realized he was leaning in. He stopped half an inch from her lips, giving her a way out. She hesitated for a quarter of a second and during that time her brain went blank because that was when she should have stopped. She had Josh, who was probably worried that she hadn't called him at all that day, and who was one of the nicest guys she had ever had the pleasure of knowing.

She should have stopped. She knew that.

But she didn't.

Instead, she closed the distance between them and brushed her lips against his tentatively. He responded immediately and tugged on her wrist for her to turn around to face him, his lips never leaving hers. Despite her better judgment, she allowed him to deepen the kiss and tried hard to suppress a moan when his tongue touched hers. His arms encircled her waist and he pulled her impossibly close to his body. Her hands roamed across his back until they found the back of his neck, where her fingers gently played with his hair.

He was doing some pretty wicked things to her body and she could feel herself melting into his embrace. His lips worked furiously on hers and their tongues battled fiercely for dominance. She could feel the heat start to pool between her legs and almost saw stars when he brought her hips even closer to his.

She sucked on his bottom lip and bit gently on it, eliciting a smile from him. He kissed her deeply again before starting a trail of light feather kisses between her neck and shoulder. She opened her eyes for a second and the first thought that came to her mind was that she was glad the bar was mostly empty and that the pool table was located in a somewhat secluded spot. Running her hand through his hair, she tugged on it when she felt him suck on her pulse point and then lick away the slight pain. He was driving her absolutely crazy and if they didn't stop now, she wasn't sure she could be held responsible for her actions.

That was when her thought process seemed to come to a screeching halt.

Stop.

They had to stop. This wasn't right.

Shit, what the hell were they doing?

"Castle." She tried to say, but it came out like a gasp. He kissed her lips again and she lost herself again for a moment. "Castle!" she tried again after a minute, pulling away from him.

He looked at her confused, his eyes now a dark blue and his lips swollen from her actions. She involuntarily reached out and ran her thumb across his lips, before remembering why she had stopped in the first place. He looked at her questioningly, their bodies still pressed close together and it was all she could do to refrain from kissing that confused look away.

"I…" she started, but had to take a deep, strengthening breath before she could continue. "I can't do this, Castle. We can't do this." She pushed him away gently and stepped away from him.

"Kate…" he tried to reach for her, but she shook her head.

"No, I have to go. I'm sorry." She looked at him one last time before turning around and walking back to the bar.

He easily caught up with her and grabbed her wrist when she was reaching for her purse.

"Kate, come on. You can't just leave." He pleaded with her, but she shook her head stubbornly.

"Rick, this was a mistake. A huge mistake. Let's just forget it ever happened, okay?" she told him as she put her coat on.

"No, Kate, wait. Let's talk about this." He took her hand in his and she bit her lip at the tingly sensation running up her arm at his touch.

She couldn't do this.

"There's nothing to talk about." She said quietly. "I'm sorry, let's just please forget about it?" she pleaded with him and made her way to the door.

"But I don't want to forget." She heard him say, but didn't dare to look back. She would give in if she did.

Opening the door, she walked out into the cold December night.

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**Review?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: You guys are so incredibly awesome! Thank you so much for the amazing feedback. Your reviews are my new drug, seriously.**

**Hope you enjoy this one as well. **

**Disclaimer: Castle is not mine. Sadly.**

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**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 2**

As soon as she left the bar, the enormity of what they had done seemed to hit her with full force, making her lean against the wall to catch her breath and steady her pounding heart. She had kissed Castle. _She_ had kissed _Castle_.

Good Lord in Heaven, what had she been _thinking_? How was she supposed to face him now? Her lips were still tingling from his kisses and she couldn't even think straight. How were they going to work together day in and day out when all she could think about was kissing him again? In fact, she was fighting the urge to walk back in there and kiss him senseless.

Okay, that was not the best train of thought. She needed to get out of there. She tried to concentrate and remember where she had parked her car, but the alcohol in her system was making it hard to actually focus. And that was another problem in itself. She couldn't possibly drive in her condition, let alone drive a _police_ car.

God, this was so messed up, she thought, running a hand through her hair anxiously. This was exactly why she had never pursued anything with Castle. She had always known it would only lead to trouble. Now look where it got her. Damn it, she shouldn't have come to The Haunt tonight. She should have followed her instincts and gone home.

A taxi cab stopped in front of her and she looked at the vehicle quizzically. The driver rolled down the window, looking straight at her.

"Kate Beckett?" he asked and she blinked, confused.

"Yes?" she answered slowly.

"Someone sent me to pick you up. They said you'd be waiting in front of the bar." He explained and she suddenly understood.

Drawing a shaky breath, she looked behind her at The Old Haunt's doors and, sure enough, there he was. He gave her a slight nod and Kate offered him a tight smile. Entering the car, she let out a frustrated sigh. How was she supposed to forget about tonight when he pulled stunts like this when she least expected?

* * *

When she woke up the next morning, she immediately wished she could fall back asleep. Her head was pounding and she was so thirsty that it felt like the entire Sahara Desert had been dumped unceremoniously in her mouth. With a groan, she threw her hands in front of her eyes in an effort to block the faint light coming through her curtains. God, she was never going to drink again.

Gathering all of her courage, she sat up slowly, holding her head in her hands. With a sigh, she picked up her phone to check the time. It was 7am and she had a new text message. She opened it, already dreading what it said.

_Can we please talk?__ I don't want to mess things up, Kate. Please? –Rick_

Letting out a breath, frustrated, she tossed the phone back on her bed. She could not deal with this right now. They had to forget anything ever happened last night. _He_ had to let it go. She was perfectly happy with Josh and – as far as she knew – he was still with Gina. Talking things out would only mess things up even more. She really wished he could see that.

She took a quick shower and drank a cup of coffee with some aspirin, willing the hangover away. With her head still pounding, she walked into the precinct wondering how on earth she was supposed to get any work done today. She dropped her purse on her desk, relieved that Castle hadn't shown up yet. Maybe he wasn't even going to come in after she had ignored his text. She wasn't sure if she should be relieved or nervous about that fact.

Since they didn't have any new cases, she decided to get started on the paperwork of the case they had closed the day before. She grabbed another cup of coffee and threw herself into her work, trying her best not to think about him.

It wasn't until two hours later that she was startled out of her thoughts when a tall cup of coffee was placed in front of her. She stared at it for an entire minute, not daring to look up at him. She heard him sigh and sit down on his chair. Another minute passed by and not a single word was uttered. She could feel his eyes on her and it felt like it was burning a hole on her skin.

"No case?" he finally broke the silence and she thanked whatever higher power had convinced him not to mention the enormous elephant in the room.

Letting out a breath, she judged it safe to finally look at him. Big mistake. Images from their heated kiss last night came flooding back into her mind and she felt breathless.

"Just paperwork." She managed to mutter and looked back at the cup of coffee she still hadn't touched.

"Kate." He said softly after a few minutes of complete and utter silence. There he was calling her by her first name again. Did he have any idea how much that thrilled and terrified her at the same time?

She closed her eyes and bit on her lip nervously, realizing she could still taste him. Her mind was really playing tricks on her because that had to be impossible. But still, with her eyes closed, she could feel again how his lips had felt and tasted against hers. She looked up at him, mentally berating herself for allowing such daydream when he was right in front of her.

"Yes, Castle?" she said quietly, forcing herself to look into his eyes.

He seemed sad. It killed her.

"We should talk." He whispered and she shook her head.

"Castle, don't." She took a sip from the almost cold coffee he had brought her just to keep her hands occupied.

"We can't ignore this. See what it is already doing to us? You can't even look at me." He told her and he sounded so sad that she wanted to pull him into a hug.

"Can we please not do this now?" she whispered forcefully and he let out a heavy sigh.

"I just want to make things right, Kate. That's all." He said and she looked at him again, but he was looking down at his hands.

"Castle, please." She involuntarily reached out and touched his hand. Big mistake number two. She could feel her hand tingling and she could tell he had felt something as well. "Whatever happened last night was because we were both drunk. It was a heat of the moment thing. We should forget about it."

"What if I don't want to forget?" he looked up at her defiantly and she tried to pull her hand back, but he held on to it.

"Don't do this. Let's just put this behind us. I don't want to ruin what we have now for something so stupid." She told him, but that only caused his hold on her hand to tighten.

"You're the one ruining it, Kate. I want to make things work." He hissed back and she was about to retort when she caught Esposito and Ryan looking at them curiously.

"Come on." She said, standing up.

She tugged at his hand and he followed her closely, finally letting go of her hand. She led them into a corridor and found an empty room that looked like a janitor's closet. Once the door was closed, she realized her third big mistake. The room was tiny and the close proximity with Castle was not working in her favor. She pushed him back until he was standing about two feet from her.

"It was a mistake and you and I both know why." She told him quietly after a moment. He took a step in her direction, but she held out a hand and he stopped.

"Enlighten me." He said with a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"We are both seeing other people, for starters." She explained, but he shook his head.

"I broke up with Gina about a month ago." He interrupted her and she looked at him, taken aback.

She opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to think of what to say.

"You never said anything." She offered after a minute of tense silence.

"It never came up." He responded curtly and she could tell he was irritated.

"Why?" the question escaped her lips without her consent and she closed her eyes, admonishing herself for being so impulsive.

"You know why, Kate." He looked at her and she bit her lip again nervously. "Even _she_ could see it."

"I'm still in a relationship, though." She tried to sound firm, but her voice came out uneven.

"Didn't stop you from kissing me last night." He raised an eyebrow at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Castle, come on. We had been drinking and I was tired…"

"You can come up with as many excuses as you want, Kate. Doesn't change the fact that it happened." He took a step closer to her and she took a step back, realizing she had nowhere to go when her back hit the wall. "And if you hadn't wanted it as well in the first place, you wouldn't have allowed it to happen."

"Okay, but it still doesn't change the fact that I'm in a relationship and I'm happy." She told him and he gave her a small smile.

"So you're not denying that you wanted to kiss me?" she could see that little spark of hope in his eyes and shook her head.

"That's not the point." She argued and he chuckled.

"That's exactly the point!" he exclaimed and took another step in her direction. "I know you can feel it. I don't want to go back to the way things were before. Not now that I know what things could be like between us." He said quietly, gently running his hand up and down her arm.

"Castle, don't do this. This is hard enough already as it is." She closed her eyes for a moment at his touch. "I can't do this." She whispered sadly.

"Why not?" he whispered in her ear and placed a light kiss behind it. She shivered at the sensation and closed her hands in tight fists to keep from reaching out to him.

"Because _we_ would never work." He leaned back to look at her and placed a strand of her hair behind her ear.

"You don't know that." He said and she shook her head stubbornly.

"I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. What we have now is important to me. We should leave it as it is." She insisted, but he was having none of it.

"So we should just keep on lying to ourselves, is that what you're saying?" he raised his eyebrows at her and she looked away. "Because I can't deny this anymore." He leaned in and brushed his lips against her cheek. She looked up at him again and his hand touched her cheek, his thumb lightly tracing her lips. "I tried, Kate. I really did. But I want you."

She closed the distance between them once again and pressed her lips against his. She had no idea how he did it, but he always seemed to find a way to break down her carefully constructed walls. It didn't matter now, though, because his lips were working on hers and then his tongue was brushing lazily against hers and _God_, she couldn't even think straight anymore. She felt his body pressing her into the wall and wrapped her arms around his waist to pull him even closer. How could she have gone all this time without this, she vaguely wondered.

When he pulled away, she was breathless and her heart was hammering against her ribcage. He placed soft kisses on her neck and she gasped when he sucked on her pulse point. She pulled him back in for another kiss, feeling him smile against her lips and couldn't help but smile back. She pulled away for a second and he caught her bottom lip between his teeth, biting on it gently.

"See?" he whispered against her lips. She framed his face with her hands and kissed him again. It was stronger than her, she couldn't stop. "We can't deny this anymore, Kate."

"I…" she tried to say, but he silenced her with another kiss. "I still can't do this, Castle." She said when he rested his forehead against hers. "It's not right."

He sighed and leaned back to look at her.

"Just think about it, alright?" She nodded, unable to think of anything coherent to say, and he stepped away. He squeezed her hand and gave her a small, sad smile. "You know where to find me."

She stood there for a while after he left, trying to make sense of her jumbled feelings.

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**Thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: You guys are insane! I'm a little overwhelmed by the response to this little story, but so incredibly happy at the same time. Your feedback means the world to me, really. Thank you so much. I want to thank Maukraui in particular for the _brilliant _review! It really touched me, thank you! And Carolina17 and Phoebsfan for encouraging me through this.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Castle.**

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**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 3**

It had been a month since that night.

An entire month and whatever happened between them then was not mentioned during that time. Granted, it was December, so they had both been busy with the festivities. Castle hadn't said anything and Kate didn't blame him. She knew the ball was in her court now and it was up to her to decide what to do about their relationship.

The thing was she still didn't know what to do.

No, that was a lie. She knew exactly what to do, but was too much of a coward to actually go ahead and do it. Deep down, she knew she wanted Castle. There was no way she could deny that now, not after willingly initiating both of their heated make out sessions. She had wanted him for a while now; after the Hamptons incident, she had only locked those feelings away and tried to forget about them, but they had never really disappeared.

And then Josh came along and Castle started a relationship with Gina and she had thought that that was it. She had missed her chance. She had come to terms with it and genuinely liked Josh. He was such a good guy with a good heart and the fact that he was incredibly hot was just the cherry on top. She liked him. She was comfortable with him and he made her laugh.

All of those qualities she could attribute to Castle as well, she thought to herself, while gathering the courage to leave the warm cocoon that her bed and Josh's warm body provided.

He seemed to really like her too and the fact that they both had to work crazy hours worked just fine for them. She didn't have to explain why she had to leave her bed at 3 in the morning to go to work; he understood. But then again, so did Castle. God, why did this have to be so damn frustrating? How had she gotten to this, listing the pros and cons of two guys so she could attempt to choose between them? It was ridiculous. She almost felt like she was in middle school again, listing the cutest guys in her class.

She ran a hand through her hair in frustration and looked at the clock on her nightstand. It was 6am and she would have to get up soon. It was way too early to get out of bed on her birthday, but duty called. She could still use another ten minutes in the warmth of her bed, though, and pulled the comforter closer to her body, feeling Josh's arm tighten around her waist. She turned around to look at him and was relieved to see that he was still asleep.

When it came down to it, she knew what the big difference between Josh and Castle really was. Josh was safe and Castle wasn't. Josh was her ideal guy before she had met Castle. Josh was less likely to break her heart. Less likely to get himself killed for not following her orders. Less likely to fall in love with.

However, it was as Castle had said once before: the heart wants what the heart wants and tried as she might, she couldn't fight those stupid feelings bubbling up to the surface again. She wanted Castle. She was attracted to him and she genuinely cared about him. She knew that if she gave in, she would fall for him easily. He had that kind of power and she was absolutely _terrified_ of it.

She had no control when it came to him and she did not like to be out of control. Bad things happened when she didn't have control over a situation and that was how Castle made her feel. While the thought of pursuing something with him was exhilarating, it scared the crap out of her as well. There were too many what ifs to fit into the equation and she wasn't sure she would like the results in most of them.

She was scared that this could ruin their friendship _and _partnership. Simply terrified that if things didn't work out between them, she would lose him. On that same train of thought, she was terrified that something could go wrong during one of their investigations and he could get caught in the crossfire. She had tried to keep him at arm's length in the beginning for this exact purpose. She didn't want to get close to him, attached to him because it would mess with her emotions. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to keep a level head and be a professional if someone she cared about was in danger. And God, she couldn't even start to think what it would be like to lose him. Just the very thought of it made her heart ache.

So she kept postponing on making a decision. She was glad he wasn't pressuring her about it. In fact, she hadn't seen much of him at all since the week before Christmas. He had a busy social schedule and she had spent Christmas with her dad upstate. Castle had invited her – okay, her, the boys, the Captain and Lanie – to his New Year's party, but she had already made plans with Josh, so she couldn't make it.

Now it was already the 6th and she still hadn't seen him. She missed him, she thought, finally sitting up and pushing the comforter away. Josh tried to pull her back in his arms sleepily, but she kissed his cheek and got up.

She took her time in the shower, enjoying the hot water cascading on her body. She had already looked outside and the entire city was covered in white. Another foot of snow had gathered during the night and things tended to get messy with snow. When she got back to her room, she noticed that her phone was buzzing. Wrapping her towel tighter around her body, she picked it up from her nightstand.

_Happy birthday, __KB. Keep on being the most extraordinary person I have ever met. – RC_

She smiled to herself, biting on her lip. Her day was already starting on a positive note.

* * *

The day flashed by and before she knew it, night had fallen. They were in the middle of a case that involved money and backstabbing, but they still hadn't been able to pin down a suspect. It looked like their victim had managed to piss off so many people that they had a total of seven good candidates for the killer.

It was already close to 8pm when Lanie came up to the bullpen and made her call it a night. It was her birthday, for Pete's sake, she needed to celebrate it, her friend argued. Eventually, Lanie and the boys convinced her to go have drinks at The Old Haunt. She was tired and this case was proving to be harder to crack than she thought, but she needed a drink. Castle had stopped by earlier, but left during the afternoon claiming he had a meeting about the Heat Wave movie and she hadn't heard from him since. Things were back to normal between them, thank God, and it was almost as if nothing had ever happened.

Almost.

When they arrived at The Old Haunt, she was pleasantly surprised that they had turned it into a party and she had played into their hands easily. Half of the precinct was present, along with the Castles and even her dad. Castle looked tenderly at her when she was hugging her dad tightly and she smiled at him, thankful. She knew this had to have been orchestrated by him and the wink he sent her way just confirmed her suspicions.

"We tried to get a hold of your McDreamy, but he called about an hour ago saying he had an emergency at the hospital." Lanie explained Josh's absence.

Kate hadn't even noticed it before her friend had mentioned it and felt bad. How could she not notice that her boyfriend wasn't at her surprise birthday party? It was pathetic, she thought, shaking her head. She ordered a drink and sat down by the bar to wait. Someone nudged her shoulder and she turned around to find Castle looking at her sheepishly.

"I'm not going to get shot for throwing this party in your honor, am I?" he asked her with a boyish grin.

Kate rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Don't worry, you're safe." She grinned at him as he leaned against the bar, his shoulder touching hers. "Thanks, Castle. This was a great surprise."

"Anything for my favorite detective." He said and she could hear the subtle seriousness in his playful tone. His eyes were sparkling with humor, but she could see something else brimming there as well, just under the surface. "Happy birthday, Kate."

He leaned in and kissed her cheek softly, his lips lingering on her skin just a moment longer than necessary. She felt her skin breaking out in goose bumps at his touch. It was the first time they had any sort of physical contact since their last encounter at the janitor's closet.

"Thanks." She whispered and felt a blush creeping up her neck. "How have you been? I haven't seen you all that much these past few days."

"I've been good. Holidays were quiet for once." He offered her a smile. "And then I took Alexis to see her mom this week since she ended up spending both Christmas and New Year's with me." He explained and Kate was acutely aware of his shoulder still touching hers and how his hand was dangerously close to hers on the counter. "I missed you, though." He told her quietly and she felt her heart skip a beat.

She looked at him for a moment and gave him a small, almost shy, smile.

"I missed you too." She confessed and he beamed at her.

"Why, detective, I believe this day shall be marked in history. You willingly admitted that you've missed me. It's almost a miracle." He teased her and she slapped his arm.

"Shut up, Castle." She rolled her eyes, blushing, but kept her hand on his arm. He touched her hand and she looked up at him.

"I got you something." He said quietly and handed her a neatly wrapped package. "Go ahead, open it." He encouraged her when she took it from his hands.

She looked at him once more, biting nervously on her lip, and tore the wrapping apart. What she saw made her want to laugh with joy and made her heart ache at the same time. It was a manuscript. And not just any manuscript, but the manuscript of the very first novel she had ever read by him. The one that had kept her going after her mother had been murdered. The one that had helped her escape her tragic reality and lose herself in his fictional world. The one that made her fall in love with his words.

How could he have known? She was sure she had never told him anything about it.

"Castle… I… thank you." She managed to get out after a moment. She ran her finger on the first page, tracing his name gently.

"You like it?" he asked, sounding almost shy. She looked at him and nodded enthusiastically, feeling herself tearing up a little.

"You have no idea." She told him with a smile and looked back at the manuscript, turning the first page. It had something written in pen.

_To my extraordinary Kate Beckett. __You make my life better._

_Rick_

She smiled at his words scrawled across the page.

"How did you know?" she asked him, accepting her drink from the bartender.

"Know what?" he asked, confused.

"That this was the first of your books that I ever read."

"Oh." He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. "I did the math. I could still be off, but I thought I'd take a chance." He said and she surprised him by pulling him into a hug.

"Thank you. You have no idea what this means to me." She said quietly in his ear and felt him nod.

"I'm really glad you liked it." He told her after they pulled apart and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

* * *

As the party went on, people started to loosen up – due to the alcohol flowing freely – and a dance floor had appeared in the middle of the bar. Music was blaring loudly from the speakers and Kate was having a blast watching Castle, Esposito and Ryan trying to out dance each other.

She had talked to Josh on the phone and he had said he would try to go to her apartment after his shift. She didn't really care, though, because she was having so much fun with her friends and was still so happy and touched about Castle's present. It had been a while since someone had given her something so meaningful on her birthday. As much as she tried to avoid any emotional connection with Castle, he was making it very difficult for her to accomplish that task.

After a while, she excused herself to go the ladies room. She felt slightly buzzed from her drinks, as she walked to the bathroom in the back of the bar. After relieving herself – she desperately needed to pee – she looked at her reflection in the mirror, while washing her hands, and was surprised with what she saw.

She looked happy. Not tired, not sad, but actually happy for once.

Leaving the bathroom, content with herself, she didn't see that someone was coming in her direction until it was too late. The collision was inevitable and she grabbed onto the person to hold herself upright.

"I'm so sorry." She apologized, embarrassed. "I didn't see you and…" she trailed off when she saw it was Castle and his face was only inches from hers.

"Hi." He said hoarsely and cleared his throat. She swallowed hard and tried to look away from him, unsuccessfully.

"Hi." She breathed after a beat, her eyes finally managing to escape his gaze, only to involuntarily focus on his lips.

Then the next thing she knew, his lips were working furiously on hers and she was pressed against the wall. His hands were gripping her waist so tightly that it almost hurt, pressing her body against his. She moaned against his lips when he pressed his hips against hers, letting her feel just how much she was affecting him. She allowed him to deepen the kiss, his tongue dueling with hers eagerly. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her hands running through his hair out of their own volition. He alternated between her neck and lips and she was almost seeing stars in front of her eyes, the oxygen not seeming to reach her lungs like they should.

She didn't care because this was heaven. How could she have gone an entire month without this? She reveled at his touch. His lips, his hands, the weight of his body on hers, it made even the tip of her fingers vibrate with pleasure. She couldn't get enough of it.

He pulled back after a while and they looked at each other silently for a moment.

"I_ really_ missed you." He said, stealing a kiss from her and she chuckled against his lips.

_Best birthday ever._

_

* * *

_**Thoughts? **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: You guys are the best readers a writer could ever ask for. Really, thank you so much. I've been meaning to reply to everyone individually, but I just haven't had time. This is probably the last update until Christmas (you all know how busy those festivities can get) so I just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! Hope you'll like this enough to consider a Christmas present!**

**Disclaimer: Castle is not mine.**

**

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**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 4**

His lips were leaving a trail of fire on her skin.

As she leaned against the counter at The Old Haunt, Castle planted slow, torturing kisses down her neck, shoulders and chest. It felt like her body was about to spontaneously combust from so much heat. She could feel it pooling between her legs, her lower abdomen tightening deliciously in anticipation. If he didn't get down to business soon, she was certain she would explode.

Which would definitely_ not _be a bad way to die, she thought, with a wicked smile.

Pulling him back up, she searched for his lips blindingly with her own, crashing together in a fierce battle for domination. She couldn't get enough of it, this heat involving her, his touch, his lips, the pressure building up inside of her. She needed him. _Badly_. Her hands roamed across his back, pulling his shirt out of his pants, eager to feel his warm skin under her fingertips. She ran her nails gently down his back, eliciting a low moan from him. She could feel a shiver run through his body and it made her feel powerful that she could get this reaction out of him with just one touch.

She broke their kiss for a moment, only to kiss down his neck, sucking gently on his pulse point. It was exhilarating to feel his pulse beating faster because of her. She had never thought she would feel drunk with power over a guy, but that was exactly how she felt at that moment.

Then he turned the tables on her and suddenly his hands were all over her. His touch on her bare skin almost sent her through the roof, his thumb gently brushing against the side of her breasts and then a quick touch over her nipples. She bit her lip to keep from moaning, but it was inevitable. She would have felt embarrassed for behaving like this, but it felt _so damn good_.

When his hand popped the button open on her jeans, she thought she was on her way to heaven.

* * *

The shrill sound of her alarm clock woke her up abruptly, her heart doing a crazy dance in her chest. She sat up and leaned against the headboard, trying to get her breathing and heart rate – both still erratic and not only because of her alarm clock – back to normal.

It had been so real. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his hands and lips on her, the need and desire still burning strong inside of her. How had she gotten to this point? Just a month ago, she had been perfectly content in her relationship with Josh, having come to terms that she and Castle just weren't meant to happen. And now, three incredibly hot make out sessions later, he was consuming her every thought. Even in her sleep she couldn't escape him.

Part of her wondered if this was just physical. What if she did start a relationship with him and it turned out that their chemistry and attraction was merely physical? They couldn't possibly go back to the way things were before and she knew that this passion and need would burn out eventually. Where would that leave them?

Shaking her head at her thoughts, she got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom for a quick shower. Last night had been so much fun; she couldn't remember having such a great time celebrating her birthday in years. Of course that Castle had a huge part in it, she thought, glancing at her nightstand while getting dressed. That manuscript was probably the most thoughtful gift she had received in quite a while. She couldn't avoid the smile that graced her lips when she picked it up and read the dedication again.

He thought she made his life better. Now that was a baffling thought because she was sure it was the other way around. _He_ made _her _life better. Everything was lighter and fun when he was around. He had that kind of energy that was contagious to everyone around him. Even to her, although she would never admit it to him. She loved having him around; it made her job that much lighter than it normally was.

And now she was thinking like a teenager with her first love, she mused, laughing at herself and put the manuscript down. This was getting downright ridiculous. Last night, after their impromptu make out session, they had gone back to their friends like nothing had happened. Castle, however, couldn't keep his hands to himself and found excuse after excuse to touch her. It drove her crazy. Every time that their shoulders bumped against each other or their hands touched, that heat inside of her ignited again. It was pathetic.

Maybe she should just sleep with him to get him out of her system. Maybe that would do the trick and they could go back to normal.

She rolled her eyes at her thoughts. That would be the worst possible choice and she knew that. Not that getting him in her bed would be bad. Not at all, in fact. The problem was she didn't think she would be able to let him go afterwards. She wasn't one for one night stands. She knew she didn't work like that. Sleeping with Castle was only going to happen when she was absolutely sure of her choice.

Which led her back to Josh and what she was going to do about him. Part of her was set on breaking up with him and immediately seducing Castle. Another part of her was incredibly reluctant to let such a nice guy go for someone she wasn't even sure was all that reliable when it came to relationships. If she was honest with herself, she wasn't sure at all if she was ready to start anything with Castle.

Whether she admitted or not, he had broken her heart when he left with Gina for the Hamptons, however inadvertently it had been. She knew now that he had no way of knowing that she was about to declare her feelings for him and she had come to accept that it had been just as much her fault as it was his. Maybe even more hers than his. Nevertheless, she had been burned and she wasn't sure she was ready to play with that kind of fire again.

When she met Josh, he became her safe place. Castle was in a relationship with Gina and she had no one. Josh came along and it had been so easy to start a relationship with him. He was nice, caring, funny and good looking. She couldn't have asked for more. She cared about him. Given time, she thought she could maybe come to love him and he didn't present such a huge risk as starting a relationship with Castle did.

But then again, he just wasn't what she was looking for at the moment. Because what she was looking for had left her all hot and bothered after those teasing touches all night. Not to mention that scorching kiss when they had run into each other by the bathroom.

Kate shook her head again, over thinking this was not going to get her anywhere. Right now what she needed to do was get to the precinct and crack that stupid case.

Her complicated love life could wait.

* * *

She was standing in front of the murder board, coffee mug in hand, staring at the suspects' pictures and their victim's timeline, when Castle finally arrived. It was already past 10am and she teased him about it. He smiled and settled next to her, their shoulders touching slightly.

"Did you get home okay last night?" he asked after a few minutes of silence. She chanced a glance at him and nodded, looking back at the murder board.

"Yeah, that last cup of coffee sobered me right up." She took a sip from the coffee mug in her hand.

"Good, I was worried about you driving after partying so hard." He offered her a teasing grin and she punched his arm playfully.

"Shut up, Castle. I was not drunk, okay?" she told him and he narrowed his eyes at her teasingly.

"I think I'm having a déjà vu here. Haven't we already had this conversation?" he grinned at her and she rolled her eyes, grinning back.

"Fine, so I was maybe a little tipsy. Happy now?"

"Hey, I'm not complaining." He lifted his hands up in surrender. "I'm not complaining _at all_, detective."

Their gaze locked together for a moment and they both knew what he was talking about. Kate licked her lips involuntarily, feeling her mouth dry all of a sudden. His eyes focused on her lips and she swallowed hard, trying to keep the urge to lean in and kiss him in check. When she saw he was leaning in, the alarm bells started to make a riot in her head. Her hand immediately reached out and touched his chest to stop him.

"Not here." She whispered, trying to ignore the warmth spreading through her at their first substantial physical contact that day.

"When?" he asked her, his face still too close to hers to be socially acceptable. "I want to touch you again, Kate." he whispered and she took a deep breath in order to calm down. They were at the precinct; jumping him in the middle of the bullpen would be severely frowned upon, she was certain of it.

"Just… not now." She knew she was giving him hope and she shouldn't be doing that. "Please?"

"I'll hold you to that." He winked at her and she rolled her eyes again, smiling.

* * *

When she got back from interviewing one of their suspects a few hours later, Kate noticed some of the detectives were staring at her. She thought it was weird, but decided to let it go. She had more important things to worry about. Castle had excused himself a few minutes earlier to take a phone call and hadn't come back yet. She busied herself checking her email, but could still feel eyes on the back of her head. It was downright creepy.

"Kate?" she heard his voice and turned around to face him. He looked so serious that she thought someone had died.

"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" she asked, concerned.

He motioned for her to follow him and went to the break room. She went after him and closed the door behind her.

"First of all, I'm really, really, really sorry." He said and she looked at him confused.

"What are you talking about, Castle?" she asked and he touched her arm, pulling her down on the couch next to him.

"That was Paula on the phone. My agent." He added when she didn't recognize the name. Kate nodded. "She wanted to tell me about something that hit the internet this morning. Pictures." He explained carefully. Understanding dawned on her and her eyes widened.

"What kind of pictures?" she asked quietly, not sure she actually wanted to know.

"Don't worry, they didn't get any of us actually kissing or anything, but…"

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?" she exclaimed, interrupting him and he sighed. "I'm sorry, but I'm a little freaked out here." She apologized and he offered her a small smile.

"Hold on, I'll show you and you can decide for yourself whether you should be freaked out or not." He said and she leaned closer to his side to look at his Iphone.

There were several pictures of three different moments. First of them sitting by the bar, a little too close to each other, shoulders touching. They had their backs to the camera so unless you knew it was them, you couldn't really tell. The second one was when she hugged him to thank him for the present. Not so bad. She liked the picture, actually. The third batch was of them leaving the bathroom area. It looked innocent enough as they were both smiling, but if you looked closer, you could see that her make up was smeared and Castle had a little bit of lipstick on his jaw. But that was only if you looked closely and Kate was praying that people wouldn't.

"So?" Castle asked quietly after they had gone through all the pictures.

"I don't know." She sighed and relaxed against his side for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. "What are they saying?"

"You know, the usual. That we're having a sordid affair."

He tried to keep a light tone to his voice, but wasn't successful. Kate ran a hand through her hair nervously.

"This is bad, Rick." She said quietly, barely above a whisper. "This is really bad."

"Hey" he touched her chin and made her look at him. "It doesn't have to be. We've been dealing with these kinds of rumors for a while now. Nothing has changed."

"Well, yes, but they didn't have any evidence before." She argued, but he shook his head.

"No, Kate, don't you see? We were lucky. What they actually got on camera we can explain. They didn't get anything important, right?" he touched her cheek tenderly and she relaxed into his touch. "It will blow over, you'll see."

"I still don't like it." She said with sigh. "How do you do this? How can you handle having your private life on the internet like that?"

"Occupational hazard." He shrugged. "You get used to it, eventually." He looked around and, after checking the blinds were down and the door still closed, leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on her lips. "Don't worry so much. This will be old news by tomorrow. It's always like that."

"Let's hope you're right." She told him and stole a quick kiss, before getting up. As much as her mind was screaming at her to stop and run in the opposite direction, that this was not what she wanted her life to be like, she couldn't stay away.

She was playing with fire again.

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**Review? It'll be my Christmas present! :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Have I mentioned how seriously awesome you guys are? You blow me away with your reviews, you're way too kind to me. So I decided to give you guys a little present and here's what I came up with. It's a little shorter than I planned, but that's because I split what should have been chapter 5 originally into two parts. That way I could get at least the first part done before Christmas.**

**Happy holidays, everyone!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Castle, dudes.**

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**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 5**

After the pictures' scare, the day progressed somewhat normally for Kate. She followed Castle's advice and tried to ignore the stares and whispers throughout the precinct. She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that her fellow detectives weren't at least showing her some respect in this particular matter. When she agreed to let Castle follow her around, she knew this would eventually happen – and like Castle had said, they had faced rumors before – but as much as she tried to fight against the feeling, it bothered her.

Ryan and Esposito were surprisingly quiet about it. In fact, she was a little shocked that they hadn't even mentioned anything about the pictures at all. At the end of her shift, Castle convinced her to go grab some burgers at Remy's. It had been one hell of a long day after all.

"You know, they're trying to be discreet about it, but it's really getting on my nerves that everyone was staring at me like I'm an alien back there." She confessed after the waitress had brought their burgers and milkshakes.

"I'm sorry I dragged you into this, Kate. I tend to forget sometimes that there might be someone with a camera around. If it's just me, I don't mind. But I hate that it's affecting you too." He touched her hand on the table and she offered him a small smile.

"I'd say it's not your fault, but that would be a lie." She teased him and he rolled his eyes with a grin. "Let's just hope it'll be like you said. Old news by tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, it usually is. I just feel bad, you know. Especially because it was on your birthday." He took a sip from his chocolate milkshake and she reached out and gave his hand a light squeeze.

"Hey, it's okay. You gave me one hell of a present to make up for it. I hadn't read that one in a while, which gives me the perfect excuse to spend the night reading your manuscript." She grinned at him, her eyes twinkling.

"You really liked it, huh?" he asked her with a small smile and she nodded, taking a bite from her giant burger.

"More than you know." She told him sincerely, wiping the sauce from the corner of her mouth, not quite catching it all.

"I'm glad. You're a tough woman to choose presents for." He reached over and wiped the remaining sauce from her mouth with his thumb, bringing it back to his lips for a taste. "You'd missed a spot." He explained when she raised her eyebrows questioningly.

It was funny how they had seamlessly fallen into this routine. They hadn't talked – not yet, anyway – but it seemed like there was an unspoken agreement between them. Things were okay and it felt like they had always been together. Which was strange in itself because they were _not _together at all. There were still so many issues they had to work on, particularly the fact that she was still technically with Josh and they now had to deal with their somewhat intimate pictures plastered all over the internet.

They just couldn't catch a break, could they?

The rest of their meal was spent in a comfortable silence. She was glad that they had reached a point in their relationship – whether it was romantic or not was still in debate – that they could just take comfort in each other's presence and there was really no need for words to fill the silence.

When they were done, Castle asked for the check and paid for it, despite Kate's protests. He claimed that it was the least he could do after the pictures fiasco, but it made her feel like she had just been on a date. Which was just ridiculous, considering that they had had meals together countless times in the past three years.

They walked toward her car, his hand resting comfortably on the small of her back. It had been snowing all day and the sidewalk was particularly slippery. Just as they were approaching her car, Kate slipped on a patch of ice and would have fallen on her face if he hadn't caught her by the waist, bringing her body flush against his. Her breath was knocked out of her for a second, both because of the sudden impact with his body and the fact that her body was incredibly aware of his proximity. She licked her lips and chuckled, trying to break the tension. His hold on her tightened for a moment and she thought he was going to kiss her right there in the middle of the street, which would be just plain stupid, given their current situation with the media.

When he relaxed his hold on her, bringing his hand up to tuck a lose strand of her hair behind her ear with a smile, she sighed in relief. She was certain that if he had indeed kissed her then, she would have been powerless to stop it. It seemed like her body had a different notion than her mind of what was right or wrong when it came to Castle.

She smiled at him in thanks and stepped away from him carefully, so not to slip on the ice again. Circling the car, she went to her side and got in as Castle did the same on the other side. She started the car and drove in the direction of his loft. Silence fell between them once again and it was only when they were almost at their destination that she decided to break it.

"You know, I thought you were going to kiss me back there for a second." She said casually, stealing a glance at him.

"So did I." he admitted sheepishly and she chuckled. "It would've been stupid, though. You know, with the pictures and all."

"Yeah, you can say that again."

She nodded and they were silent for a moment. A couple of minutes passed by before he reached out and touched her leg to get her attention.

"I do admit that I'm dying to kiss you now, you know." He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively and she laughed, rolling her eyes at him.

"That would just make our situation even worse, Castle." She told him and bit her lip when his fingers started tracing a pattern on her thigh.

"And what exactly is our current situation, detective? Because, honestly, I'm a little confused here." He inquired and she turned to look at him, after parking the car near his building.

"I'm still working on that." She said quietly and looked down at his hand still on her thigh.

"What have you come up with so far?" his hand left her leg and touched her chin, making her look up at him.

"I…" she cleared her throat, trying to decide what she should say next. "I like you, Rick. You know that." She sighed and he nodded, caressing her cheek, his thumb gently tracing her lips. "I just… I'm just not entirely sure that this is a good idea. I mean, look at this mess already." She told him and bit her lip nervously. Now she was not sure she should have been so honest.

"Well…" he started and took a deep breath. "I guess you know the feeling is more than mutual. The liking you part, at least." He added quickly and she smiled, rolling her eyes. "And you know I want to be with you. It's up to you now, Kate."

"I know." She sighed and leaned into his touch. "You'll be the first to know when this is all figured out, I promise."

"Alright. Can I kiss you now please?" he grinned at her expectantly and she laughed.

"This is a very dangerous territory you're walking on." She teased him.

"You know danger is my middle name." he said, trying to pull off a James Bond impression and failing miserably.

Kate sighed in mock exasperation.

"Just shut up and kiss me already, Castle."

His eyes lit up in excitement and she couldn't help but smile when his lips touched hers. It was a gentle kiss as he touched the back of her neck to pull her closer and her hands fell on his chest, grabbing his shirt. His lips worked on hers softly and only when her tongue touched his bottom lip that he decided to deepen it. They kissed lazily for a few more seconds until she pulled away reluctantly. He rested his forehead on hers while they tried to catch their breaths.

"Just thought I should add a few points in my favor to your thinking process." He whispered after a minute and she chuckled.

"It will be taken into consideration, Mr. Castle." She said in mock seriousness and he leaned in for another quick kiss, tugging gently on her bottom lip with his teeth.

"I should probably go." He said and she nodded. "Until tomorrow, Kate."

She pulled him to her by his shirt for another kiss and grinned at the look on his face.

"Until tomorrow, Castle."

* * *

Kate drove back to her apartment with a silly smile on her lips. She knew she was acting like a schoolgirl, but she couldn't help it. He made her feel like a teenager again, butterflies in her stomach and all. She had to figure this out fast. The first thing she had to do was break up with Josh. It broke her heart that she would have to break his, but to keep this going would be completely unfair and disrespectful to him. Even if she and Castle didn't end up together, she had to make things right with Josh.

She was hoping against hope that he hadn't seen any of those pictures. It had been hard enough at the precinct; she really didn't want to explain herself to her boyfriend. Especially because she would have to lie to his face about the whole thing, which just made her feel even worse about it. It was bad enough that she was going to drop the break up bomb on him out of nowhere; she didn't need to add the fact that she had been making out with Castle behind his back.

God, it sounded so bad when she put it like that.

She stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things before going home. Stepping into the elevator, she felt her phone buzzing, signaling a new text message. She balanced her grocery bags with one hand and grabbed her phone from her coat pocket.

_I hope you're taking my point into serious consideration._

She smiled at his text and couldn't avoid the giggle that escaped her lips involuntarily. He was impossible, she thought, shaking her head.

When she stepped out of the elevator, she was surprised to find Josh on her doorstep.

The look on his face told her all she needed to know.

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**Thoughts? Do I deserve a review for Christmas?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: You guys continue to blow me away with your amazing reviews. Thank you so much. **

**I want to thank Phoebsfan for putting up with my whining about this story when I was stuck on a scene. If it hadn't been for her, this chapter would not be up right now.**

**Oh, by the way, I apologize for the crazy length in this chapter. I tend to get carried away sometimes.**

**Disclaimer: Castle is not mine.**

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**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 6**

She wasn't sure if what she was seeing in his eyes was anger, disappointment or jealousy. When she stepped out of the elevator, a smile still playing on her lips from Castle's text, she stopped in her tracks when she realized Josh was just standing there on her doorstep. He was leaning against the wall and the look in his eyes made it clear that something was wrong. And she had a pretty good hunch on just what exactly that something was.

She recovered quickly from her initial surprise and walked over to him, balancing the grocery bags, her purse and phone. He took the bags from her arms so she could fish her keys out of her purse and she opened the door. Locking the door behind her after they got inside, she turned to look at him setting the bags on the kitchen counter.

He still hadn't said a word.

"Hi." She said to break the tension. He remained silent, his back to her. "Is everything okay?" she asked slowly.

"We were supposed to have dinner tonight, remember?" he said quietly. "That new place that opened up on Park Avenue?"

Kate closed her eyes, cursing herself. She had completely forgotten about it. He had been so excited because he managed to score a reservation in a famous restaurant and had talked about it for days. How could she have possibly forgotten about that? Damn it.

"Josh, I am so sorry. We're in the middle of this really tough case and it completely slipped my mind." She apologized, stepping closer to him. "We lost track of time."

"I tried your cell, but I only got the voicemail. I called the precinct and they said you left over an hour ago." He said, the accusation clear in his voice.

Kate swallowed hard, trying to think of the best way to approach this.

"I, uh… I went to get something to eat before I came home. It's been a really long day." She explained and prayed he would leave it at that.

No such luck.

"By yourself?" he all, but spat at her.

"Not really. Castle and I went to Remy's, that place near the precinct I always tell you about, remember?"

She felt like there was a big shiny sign that said _guilty_ right on her forehead.

"Funny you should mention your shadow." He said, sarcasm dripping from his tone.

Kate flinched and bit her lip. Shit, why couldn't she get a hold of herself? She is usually the master of playing it cool and now look at this pathetic excuse of a poker face.

"What about him?" she asked, her tone firmer. She couldn't let herself feel intimidated. She was going to break up with him, anyway, right? She just didn't like this new side of him.

"I hear you had quite a party last night. And your so called partner had a lot to do with it."

"What exactly are you talking about here, Josh?" she looked up at him and locked her gaze on his eyes. "Because I'm not sure I'm following and I'm trying to understand the attitude you've got going on."

"I get to the hospital today and the first thing I heard was '_isn't that your girlfriend on the internet_'?" he hissed at her, his eyes blazing in anger.

She tried to keep her surprise in check. Well, there goes any hope that he hadn't seen the damn pictures, she thought to herself.

"I'm not sure why you're so angry. I've seen the pictures myself and there is absolutely nothing going on there." She told him, her voice steady. He laughed humorlessly.

"Kate, please, let's not play this game, alright? I know what I saw. You and Castle looked awfully cozy for two people who claim to be just friends. Can you imagine what it was like for me to hear this from my coworkers?"

"You're blowing this way out of proportion, Josh. Come on." She said, shaking her head. She knew this was her cue to end things with him, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Not when he was this upset.

"You know, I knew he had a thing for you. I've always known. I mean, if looks could kill, he would've taken me down that day at the precinct, he looked so jealous." He said and Kate opened her mouth to speak, only to close it when he held his hand up. "I knew you had a bit of a crush on him. The way you talk about him… but I thought it was just a fan thing. I never thought anything would come out of it."

"Nothing happened." She said and was mortified that it sounded like she was defending herself. Why not just tell him that she has been making out with Castle behind his back and get it over with?

"Yeah? This one picture here begs to differ." He retorted and started fiddling with his Iphone.

Kate's mind was going haywire. Had they missed an incriminating picture? She was absolutely sure there weren't any of them kissing. There couldn't be. She ran a hand through her hair nervously. Shit, this wasn't going at all like she had planned.

"Well, look at that." He said sarcastically. "There are new pictures. You guys are quite a hit today."

He turned his phone to her and she realized the pictures were from tonight. They were standing really close to each other, Castle's arms around her waist and her hands resting on his arms. That was when he had saved her from falling on her face earlier. They were looking at each other so intensely that it gave her goose bumps.

"This is nothing. I had slipped on some ice and Castle caught me." She explained, thanking whatever higher power out there that Castle had refrained from kissing her then.

"Whatever, _this_ is what I'm talking about." He showed her another picture. She and Castle were leaving the bathroom area where they had just had that really hot make out session. "It looks innocent enough, right? Yeah, I thought so too at first. Then I looked closer. Your lipstick is smudged right here, see? So I thought I'd check out Castle too just in case and, what do you know, your lipstick had magically appeared on him."

Kate opened her mouth and closed it several times. She couldn't think of anything to say to that. Damn it, she didn't want to hurt him like that. He was never supposed to know about this. She looked away from him, trying to collect her thoughts. There was no point in denying it now.

She felt horrible.

"Yeah, that's all I needed to know." He shook his head and pocketed his phone. "Have a nice life, Detective Beckett." He said and walked out of her apartment, slamming the door on his way out.

* * *

She thought about going after him to try and apologize, but really, what was the point? They hadn't been caught in the act, but for someone who knew her somewhat well, that picture was incriminating enough. She felt terrible for making him go through this. She really didn't want him to find out like that. Actually, she had never intended to cheat on him. It wasn't like her to do that. It went against everything she stood for.

But somehow with Castle her caution flew right out the window. It seemed like the attraction between them was stronger than her, as much as she tried to fight it. Hell, she fought against it for almost three years; it was bound to explode at some point.

She sighed and started to put away the groceries, exhaustion finally catching up with her. After the groceries were taken care of, she took a quick shower and went to bed, pulling the comforter over her head to create a small cocoon of warmth. Her heater had been acting up for the past few days and her bedroom was colder than she was comfortable with.

She was almost drifting off into sleep when her phone buzzed next to her pillow. She almost jumped, startled, and blinked against the blinding light of the phone screen. She had a new text message and was very tempted to ignore it, but curiosity won in the end.

_What are you up to, detective?_

She rolled her eyes and texted him back quickly. _I was almost falling asleep. You woke me up._

Less than a minute passed by before her phone chirped again.

_Sleep? It's not even 10 yet. Are you okay?_

She smiled at his concern, fighting a yawn. It had been a long day and the fight with Josh had drained her. She was exhausted.

_I'm just tired. Been a long day. Had a nasty fight/break up with Josh._

She sent the message and bit her lip apprehensively. She knew that telling him that she and Josh were through would get his hopes up. While she was 99% sure she wanted to give it a try with Castle, she wasn't sure if she was ready for it. She was already uncertain about it; the pictures scare just managed to shake her up even more.

He didn't reply for a few minutes and she thought she shouldn't have said it. She was almost falling back asleep when her phone buzzed again.

_Are you okay?_

_Yeah, it was going to happen eventually. He saw the pictures. It wasn't pretty._

She sent the text and waited. When her phone rang, she jumped surprised.

"Beckett." She said out of habit, knowing it was him.

"Did he hurt you?" Castle asked and she could hear the concern in his voice.

"No, it wasn't like that. We ended up fighting and he shoved the picture in my face and told me to have a nice life, pretty much." She explained, turning on her side and pulling the comforter closer to her body.

"I'm sorry, Kate." He said quietly.

"It's okay." They were silent for a beat. "There are new pictures." She whispered.

"What? Where?" he asked, surprised.

"I'm not sure where he found them. But it was taken when you saved me from falling on my face earlier, remember?" she said and sat up in bed. "Hold on, let me get my laptop." She got out of bed and shivered against the cold. "God, it's freezing in here."

"Turn up the heater." Castle suggested. She grabbed her laptop and ran back to bed, pulling the comforter around herself.

"It's already on, but it's been acting up lately. I just haven't had time to get it checked out." She explained and heard him sigh.

"Do you want me to take a look at it?" he offered and she snorted.

"Now?" she asked in disbelief.

"Sure. I can't let you sleep in the cold. You might freeze to death."

"I highly doubt that, Castle." She said in a wry voice. "Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"You can always sleep here, you know." He said and she laughed.

"No, thanks."

"Then let me do this for you. Please? For my own peace of mind?" he insisted and she sighed.

"Fine." She said exasperated.

"Great, I'll be there in twenty." He told her and she chuckled at the excitement in his voice.

"See you soon, Castle." She rolled her eyes and hung up.

While her laptop was powering up, she decided to get out of bed and go make herself a cup of hot chocolate to fight the cold. After pouring the hot beverage in a mug, she went back to her room to get her laptop and a blanket and then settled on the couch. She checked her e-mail and then decided to start looking for the pictures before Castle got there. She googled his name and immediately found them in one of the many fan sites.

There were even more pictures now. Besides the one of them on the street, there were a couple more of them from when they were at Remy's. They had been sitting by the window, which had been pretty idiotic of them, so whoever took those pictures managed to take a few of them holding hands.

God, couldn't they do anything anymore without it somehow ending up on the internet?

The doorbell interrupted her thoughts and she set the laptop on the couch and her hot chocolate on the coffee table before making her way to the door.

"Hi." She smiled and stepped aside to let him in.

He smiled back and leaned in, stopping an inch from her lips giving her a way out. She rolled her eyes and closed the distance between them, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"Hey." He whispered and stole another kiss, this time deepening it. She enjoyed the feeling of his tongue on hers for a moment before pulling away.

"You're impossible." She slapped his chest playfully and he grinned at her. "Come on, let me show you the pictures." He kept his arms around her waist and followed her to the couch. "Do you want some hot chocolate?"

"Sure."

"I'll be right back then. Go on and take a look at the pictures. I just found them. There are even more than we thought." She told him and made her way to the kitchen.

A few minutes later, she returned with another mug and gave it to him, sitting next to him on the couch. She grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around herself, offering one side of it to him. He gave her a small smile and pulled it around himself as well, balancing the laptop on his legs. Kate leaned forward, grabbed her hot chocolate from the coffee table and relaxed against his side, taking a sip.

"What do you think?" she asked after a while. They had opened every single picture to examine them closely.

"Well" he sighed and leaned forward to put his mug down on the coffee table. "They look innocent enough for the average person. Except maybe for the one at Remy's. And the one we are outside."

"So pretty much all the new ones." She said dryly and he chuckled, putting an arm around her shoulders.

"I guess, yeah." He shrugged and turned to look at her. "Kate, listen. Don't worry about this so much. They'll find something else to talk about soon enough. There are bigger and juicier celebrities out there, trust me."

"I'm still not comfortable with that." She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder.

"No one ever is. It's an invasion of your privacy and I know how much that means to you." He kissed the top of her head. "It'll blow over, you'll see."

"I hope so." She yawned and turned a little to the side to get more comfortable against his side.

"Do you mind if I check my email here?" he asked and she looked up at him sleepily.

"Not at all, go ahead."

She kissed his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder again, closing her eyes, and fell asleep in a matter of seconds. When she woke up, she was lying on the couch and her laptop was on the coffee table. She sat up slowly and saw Castle walking out of her bedroom.

"Hey, you're awake." He smiled at her and she offered a small smile in return before yawning. "Fixed your heater. It was just the dial."

She got up and took the blanket with her.

"Thanks, Castle." She smiled at him gratefully and he shrugged.

"I should get going. Let you get some sleep." He leaned down and placed a quick kiss on her lips. She held onto his hand to stop him.

"You can stay if you want. It's late and it's snowing. You shouldn't drive." She offered and bit on her lip, unsure if she had done the right thing.

"Are you sure?" he asked, holding her gaze. She nodded. "Alright, thanks. I can stay on the couch."

"No, come on. I trust you'll keep your hands to yourself." She smirked at him and he laughed.

"I'll try my best, detective." He teased and followed her into the bedroom.

* * *

When Kate woke up again, the morning light was drifting in through her curtains. She blinked, covering her eyes with her hand, and felt someone kiss the top of her head. That was when she realized she was lying almost on top of Castle and the sound she had thought was in her dream was actually his heart beating.

She yawned and looked up at him. He was looking at her sleepily, his hair adorably messed up.

"Morning." She croaked out and felt his hand slowly caressing her back.

"Morning." He answered with a small smile.

"What time is it?" she asked resting her head on his chest again.

"A little after seven."

"Damn it, I have to get up." She sighed and sat up, rubbing her eyes. "You can sleep a little bit longer if you want. I'll go take a shower and get ready."

He pulled her back to him for a kiss and smiled against her lips.

"Okay. Five more minutes." He said when she got up and turned on his stomach, hugging her pillow. Kate shook her head with a smile and made her way to the bathroom.

About forty minutes later, they were ready to go. They had some breakfast and agreed that Castle should go home and change first so to avoid arriving at the precinct together. Things were bad enough already and they didn't want to add to the fire. When they got to the lobby, Kate noticed some unusual movement at the entrance of the building. She told Castle to stay behind for a second while she went to check it out.

There were about fifteen people on the street, which would be somewhat normal if they hadn't all jumped up and started flashing their cameras the minute they saw her. Kate stopped in her tracks in shock. How could they possibly know where she lived?

She swallowed hard, trying to fight the panic. She had to move, she couldn't stay there and just let them take her picture like that. But her feet seemed to be glued to the ground. It felt like an hour had passed when she finally heard Castle's voice.

"Kate, come on." He called to her from where he was, still hidden from the cameras. She snapped out of it and turned to look at him. "Let's get out of here. Come on." He gestured for her to come to him and she turned around and walked back to where he was.

"What the hell was that?" she gasped, her breath coming out raggedly. She was on the verge of a panic attack. How could they do this to someone?

"I'm so sorry." He put his arm around her and pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head. "They're vultures. Is there a back entrance somewhere?" he asked and she nodded, leading him through the lobby.

When they made it to his car, parked about a block away from her building, she touched his hand, stopping him.

"I…" she started and swallowed hard before continuing. "I don't think I can do this, Rick." She said quietly and looked away from him.

"Kate…"

"It's too much. I can't handle this right now. I mean, I just broke up with Josh last night and the pictures and the paparazzi. It's too way much. I can't. I can't do this." She blurted out and her heart broke at the crestfallen look on his face. "I'm sorry."

"Kate, we can work this out. We can send out an announcement that we're not together or something. We can do this. Give us a chance." He pleaded with her, but she shook her head. "Please?" he insisted.

"Don't make this harder for us, Rick, please." She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I'm not saying this is it. I think we should just give it some time. Let this whole thing die down. I can't deal with this kind of invasion. I'm sorry." She leaned in and kissed his cheek.

"We'll work this out. I promise." He held her hand and brought it up to his lips.

"Yeah." She closed her eyes for a moment. "Just not now."

She squeezed his hand one last time and walked away.

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**Review?**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Again, thank you so much for your amazing reviews. I had more to say, but it's almost 4am and I need sleep.**

**Hope you enjoy this one.**

**Disclaimer: For the millionth time, Castle is not mine.**

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**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 7**

The days passed by fast and, as much as she missed his touch and the intimacy between them, their heavy case load served to keep her mind occupied. Before she knew it, February was knocking on her door and it was the one month she always dreaded.

She couldn't help that feeling of hollowness and the pain that seemed to come back with a vengeance, tearing at her heart. Every February, for the past eleven years, she felt the exact same way. When the second week rolled around, she was irritable and cranky, snapping at everyone. She tried to tone it down – after all, it wasn't their fault – but it always seemed to get to her. The closer she got to the actual date, the worse she felt. Her boys were used to it by now and just gave her whatever space she needed. They knew it was a hard time for her, even if she had never said a word about it, so they didn't push.

When the fateful day of February 16th finally arrived, Kate was a mess. It seemed to be hitting her harder this year and she knew that part of that was because she was already an emotional mess because of her unresolved situation with Castle. After that paparazzi fiasco, they reverted to the way things were before their first kiss. Or they tried to, at least. There were still those longing looks and lingering touches when no one was around, but they had been so busy solving cases that they hadn't had time to talk about what they were going to do and what their non-relationship meant.

And right now, as she woke up on this dreadful day, she really wished he was there to hold her and tell her that all was right in the world and she didn't have to hurt so much anymore. She was insanely tempted to call him and ask him to come over, but she knew she wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk things out with him. Not today. So she gathered all of her courage and strength and got out of bed to face this day. Luckily, she would be so busy, it would fly by and she wouldn't hurt as much.

Eleven years, she thought as she drove to the precinct an hour later. Eleven years since she had last heard her mother's voice and hugged her goodbye before going back to school. She had been home for the weekend, then, and they had had the best time catching up and Kate had told her all about her new boyfriend and her friends from college. They spent that entire weekend attached at the hip. In hindsight, it was almost as if she had known that that would be the last time she would get to spend with her mom and hear her laugh and take comfort in her arms.

Eleven years and it still felt like it had just happened yesterday. She watched these old videos sometimes, from when she was a kid, just to hear her voice. She was terrified that she would forget what she sounded like one day and was determined to not ever let that happen. As long as she remembered her voice, it didn't feel like she was completely gone.

She had to hold onto that.

It hurt too much to think otherwise.

* * *

When Castle walked into the precinct that afternoon, the first thing he noticed was that she wasn't around. It wasn't that she just wasn't sitting at her desk. He somehow knew she wasn't there at all and, since Ryan and Esposito were at their respective desks, he knew something was wrong.

She had been acting uncharacteristically for the past couple of weeks and it was killing him that she wouldn't tell him what was wrong. She had been on a war path – especially for the past week – and people were avoiding her like the plague. He wanted to talk to her and ask her what was going on, but after she told him they should take a break, he didn't want her to feel like he was pushing her.

So when he got to the precinct that afternoon, he just knew that whatever had been wrong in the first place had just gotten worse. He approached Ryan and sat on the chair next to his desk.

"Where's Beckett?" he asked, trying to sound casual. Ryan looked at him, an eyebrow raised.

"Really? You don't know what today is?" he asked in disbelief.

"Wednesday?" Castle shrugged, clueless.

"Try the date, bro." Esposito chimed in.

"February 16th? Am I forgetting someone's birthday?" he asked and the detectives shook their heads.

"I can't believe you don't know, man. Today is the anniversary of her mother's death."

Esposito explained and understanding suddenly dawned on him. Now everything made sense on why she was behaving so strangely lately and he wished she would have told him. He wanted to be there for her, hold her hand and give her some comfort. He knew anything related to her mother's murder was difficult for her and today was probably the hardest.

"Where is she?" he asked again, determined to help ease her day for her.

"She usually takes most of the day off when we don't have a case. She just left about an hour ago so she's probably still at her mom's grave." Ryan told him and he nodded, saving the address on his phone. "I wouldn't go there if I were you, though. Today is a tough day for her. I assume she wants to be alone." He warned Castle, but the writer shook his head.

"She doesn't have to be." He said and got up, thanking the detectives, and headed out.

He hailed a cab in front of the precinct and it took him half an hour to get to the cemetery. He walked around for a few minutes, the ground still covered in snow, until he found her placing a solitary pink rose on her mother's grave. It broke his heart, the way she traced her mom's name slowly, as if savoring whatever she could feel of her presence. He watched her talk quietly, wiping away a tear every few minutes. He decided to give her some privacy. She needed to have that moment with her mother and he didn't want to interrupt.

He leaned against a tree quietly, watching her a few feet away talking to her mom for a few minutes. It was taking all of his discipline to not go there and give her a hug and it all went out the window when she looked up and their eyes met a few minutes later.

* * *

The cemetery was covered in white as it usually was this time of the year. Every time Kate walked through this path, she remembered the first time she came here to lay her mom to rest. It had been snowing then and everything looked so beautiful and peaceful that it seemed unnatural that she could feel that searing pain consuming her; she would never see her mom again. To this day, she still couldn't believe it. Sometimes it felt like her mother was just away travelling and would come back soon. It still took her breath away when reality came crashing down.

Today was one of those days.

It seemed more real when she was here, standing by her grave, tracing her beautiful name on that stone. _Beloved wife and mother_. She traced the words slowly with her gloved fingers, feeling her chest tighten and the tears threatening to fall.

"Hi, mom." She whispered to the wind and her breath came out in a cloud of white. "I miss you so much." She wiped away a solitary tear that ran down her cheek. "I wish you were here. There's so much I want to tell you. So much I can't talk to dad about. It's been a rather eventful year." She said with a small smile. "My apartment blew up." She swallowed hard, before continuing. "Castle saved me. He…I don't know, it's always been complicated with him. But he cares about me, maybe more than he should. And I care about him too. It scares me, mom. I don't know what to do. I wish you were here."

She let out a shaky sigh and looked around. He was standing about twenty feet from her, leaning against a tree. She felt like she should be surprised, but deep down, she wasn't. Right then, it felt like everything came crashing down on her. The emotional rollercoaster that she had embarked on the year before seemed to take a sudden turn and she felt overwhelmed by all those feelings running through her at once. Her apartment blowing up, Castle leaving with Gina, Josh, her strange connection with Castle, their unresolved relationship, the paparazzi, her mom. It all became too much and she only noticed she was actually crying when he was suddenly in front of her gently wiping away her tears with his thumb.

She tried to get herself under control, but he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him, which only caused more tears to fall. She hid her face in the crook of his neck and wrapped her arms around his waist tightly, as if he was her lifeline. He whispered soothing words in her ear and let her cry for as long as she needed.

It felt like an eternity later, that she finally felt somewhat in control of her emotions. She placed a soft kiss to his neck.

"Thank you." She whispered against his skin, still holding onto him tightly.

"You don't have to thank me." He told her softly. "I didn't want you to be alone today." He whispered and kissed her hair, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"How did you find me?" she asked, leaning back just enough to look at him.

"Esposito and Ryan. I hadn't realized what today was and they told me. I'm sorry." He apologized and she shook her head, before tucking it in the crook of his neck again.

"Don't be." She mumbled, nuzzling against his skin. "I just miss her, you know? So much."

"I know." He said and they were quiet for a moment. It started snowing again.

"I'm glad you're here." She whispered after a while, leaning back again to look at him. He touched her cheek, the tenderness in his eyes almost too much for her to bear.

"So am I." he smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead softly. "Are you ready to go or do you want to stay a bit longer?"

"We should go. I already told her everything I wanted." She interlaced her fingers with his and turned back to the grave. "Bye, mom. I love you so much." She whispered and wiped a stubborn tear away.

They walked in silence back to her car, her hand never leaving his. She felt exhausted all of a sudden and all she wanted to do was go home and crawl under her covers. He was surprised when she handed him the keys; she really didn't feel up to driving and was incredibly glad that he was there with her. They still needed to talk, but it could wait. Right now, she just wanted to take comfort in his presence. The paparazzi had left them alone after a couple of weeks and she was tentatively hoping for things to get back on track for them. She had missed him.

When they finally arrived at her apartment, Castle walked her to her door and she leaned in to press a soft, almost innocent kiss to his lips.

"Can you stay for a bit?" she asked shyly. He smiled at her and nodded, following her into the apartment. "Make yourself at home. I'm just going to go change into something more comfortable."

"Do you want some tea?" he asked when she was on her way to the bedroom. She looked back at him and nodded gratefully.

A few minutes passed until she came back wearing a pair of yoga pants, socks and a NYPD hoodie. Castle was sitting on the couch, two mugs on the coffee table. She smiled at him and grabbed hers, sipping the chamomile tea.

"What do you feel like watching?" she asked, turning on the TV.

"Whatever you want. I'm not picky." He answered, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

She leaned against him willingly and finished her tea. She ended up settling for a romantic comedy, but her mind wasn't really paying attention. She was so exhausted that she didn't want to think about anything and Castle was proving to be an excellent pillow. She put her mug back on the coffee table and returned to their previous position, this time throwing an arm around his waist.

"Thank you for today." She said after a while and he looked down at her.

"You're welcome, Kate."

He leaned in and gave her a lingering kiss, which she savored every second of. They pulled apart after a few seconds, and she rested her head on his shoulder again. The last thing she thought of was that they were going to be okay.

Then she fell asleep.

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**I feel like I could end the story here, but I'm not sure. What do you guys think? Tell me all about it when you review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: By popular demand, I decided to stick to my original plan and write a couple more chapters. I really hope you guys like it. Thank you so much for all your amazing reviews. Really, you guys make me blush sometimes.**

**Hope you all had an amazing New Year's eve and I wish 2011 will be the best year yet for all of us.**

**Please note that the rating has changed. **

**Also, are we excited or what that Castle is returning tomorrow? Or today for me cause it's already 1am here. I can't wait!**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Castle.**

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He let her sleep for a couple of hours while he watched TV. When the movie he had been watching ended, he looked down at her and held her sleeping form just a little closer to him. She was sleeping deeply, her breath coming out evenly and her expression completely relaxed. She looked so much younger when she was asleep, he thought. So innocent, like she hadn't been through hell and back in the past eleven years.

Leaning down, he kissed her forehead gently. She stirred and blinked sleepily, trying to focus on him. He gave her a small smile and ran his fingers up and down her arm lazily. The corners of her mouth turned up slightly and she let out what he assumed was a content sigh, closing her eyes again.

"How long was I out?" she asked, her voice still a little hoarse from sleep.

"Just a couple of hours." He kissed the top of her head and felt her moving a bit to get more comfortable. "I was about to take you to bed."

"No, that's okay. I should probably get up. It's still early." She said, but made no move to get out of his embrace. "Maybe we could order in?" she suggested, looking up at him. "I mean, unless…" she hesitated and looked down at her lap.

He touched her chin and kissed her softly for a moment, feeling her lips curl up in a smile against his.

"What are you in the mood for? Italian, Chinese, Thai?" he asked before pressing his lips against hers one more time.

"Chinese, always Chinese." She chuckled and hid her face on the crook of his neck for a moment.

He still marveled at how close she was allowing him to be after the whole paparazzi thing. As much as he was enjoying it, he wondered if this was just because she was feeling vulnerable and alone because of her mother's death's anniversary. He hated the fact that he might be taking advantage of her. But on the other hand, this was Kate Beckett. If she didn't want him around she would have sent him away, right?

"I know just the place." He said after a few minutes of silence and she nodded against his neck, placing a light-feather kiss on his skin. Rick tried to concentrate on his phone, but it was getting progressively difficult as she proceeded on kissing his neck.

Calling his favorite Chinese restaurant, he allowed his touch to be a little more adventurous and gently caressed her back and hips. When he was about to end the call, she sucked on a sensitive spot on his neck and he tightened his hold on her hips, trying his best to not let a moan out. Damn, she was good.

She chuckled against his skin and he threw his phone on the opposite side of the couch, pulling her to his lap so fast that he was even impressed with himself. Kate blinked, confused, and he grinned at her. Leaning in, he showered her neck and jaw with kisses and heard her sigh. Then she turned the tables on him and before he could register what was going on, she was straddling him, pressed against his growing erection. He looked up at her and she smirked at him, pressing herself even closer to his body. It felt like a fire was slowly consuming him as she captured his lips with hers, immediately deepening the kiss. Feeling her tongue dancing with his was the most exquisite sensation and he was even more aroused when a throaty moan escaped her lips.

His hands explored her body and were soon braving the new territory of her bare skin, as they slipped under the hoodie she was wearing. Her skin was warm and soft and he pressed her even closer to him. He almost let himself go when she started moving her hips against his, her lips never leaving his. Breaking the kiss for a moment, he lifted the hoodie over her head, throwing it somewhere behind the couch. He was pleasantly surprised that she hadn't been wearing a shirt underneath it and now his eyes could feast on her bare skin displayed before him. He swallowed hard and leaned forward, kissing her shoulders and chest with the utmost reverence. He had never thought he would ever be given a chance to touch her like this.

When she backed away from him, he thought he had gone too far, but she surprised him by starting to unbutton his shirt, her lips touching every inch of skin that appeared on the way. He pulled her back to him and kissed her hungrily, a growl escaping his throat. He needed her so badly that he was having a hard time controlling himself.

"Kate." He managed to say between kisses. She kissed him one more time and leaned back to look at him.

She looked so beautiful.

"What's wrong?" she whispered and he touched her cheek.

"I just… Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I don't want to take advantage of you or anything. It's been a difficult day and…" he trailed off, not knowing what to say. She was looking at him tenderly and he felt himself relax when she leaned in and kissed him again.

She rested her forehead on his, their breaths intermingled, and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Yes." She breathed before closing the distance between them, her hands pushing his shirt off his shoulders.

Her hands touching his skin were almost too much for him to bear. He vaguely wondered how long he would last when he was finally inside of her. That thought just got him harder and he gritted his teeth to keep himself from going over the edge. He reached behind her and unclasped her bra, savoring the taste of her skin on his lips and how her nipples hardened upon the touch of his tongue. Breaking their contact for a moment, he looked up at her and was treated to the beautiful sight of her head thrown back, a smile playing on her lips.

He touched the back of her head and brought her down for another intense kiss. He couldn't get enough of her. He had known sex with her would be great, but this… man, they hadn't even gotten to the actual sex yet and he almost couldn't take the intensity of it all. His hands made their way south, caressing her belly and slipping inside her yoga pants. He heard her gasp when he pressed his palm against her core, the heat sipping through the thin fabric of her panties. Grinning, he sucked on her neck while his fingers gently caressed her, enjoying how impatient she was getting. She pressed her hips against his hand and he found her lips again, effectively silencing any protests. When he finally slipped a finger into her, she moaned against his lips and he couldn't prevent his own moan.

It was exhilarating that he was having this effect on her and he had to keep himself in control or this would end before it even started. He pumped his finger in and out, enjoying all the sounds he knew she was trying to hold inside, but couldn't. Her forehead dropped to his shoulder and he could feel her ragged breath on his skin, followed by a moan when he added another finger. She turned her head and sucked on his neck, licking away the slight pain and adding to the growing tension in his pants. He found her sensitive nub and pressed it with his thumb. Kate gasped and he felt her finally let herself go.

He kissed her shoulders lightly while she got herself together. She was still trembling when she finally looked at him a couple of minutes later. He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes at his smug expression, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips. Things quickly heated up again and he laid her down on the couch, kissing down her chest and stomach. When he reached her pants, he pulled it down her legs along with her underwear. Discarding her clothes on the floor, he took a moment to look at her.

She truly was extraordinary.

Having had enough of his staring, she pulled him down to her, kissing him hard. Her hands went to his jeans and she quickly had them down his legs. He kicked them off and covered her body with his, touching her everywhere he could reach. Feeling her hand grab him, he let out a moan. She pumped him a few times until his breath was coming out raggedly and leaned up to whisper in his ear.

"Now, Castle."

She released him and he searched blindingly for his wallet on the floor to get a condom. When he finally found it, he showed it to her with a grin and she took it from him, ripping the foil and rolling it down on him quickly. Pulling him down with her, she kissed him and wrapped her legs around his waist, allowing him to enter her.

He had to pause for a moment to savor the sensation of finally being this close to her. When her hips started moving against his, he kissed her again and moved with her, encouraged by the satisfied sounds she was making. He was on edge soon and he knew he wouldn't last much longer. She felt so good around him and her nails on his back were making stars pop up under his closed eyelids.

He opened his eyes and she was looking at him, the pleasure clear on her face. He smiled and kissed her jaw, then neck and back up to her lips, redoubling his efforts. He could feel she was almost there.

And then her intercom buzzed and he thrust into her deeply, startled. She bit on his shoulder to muffle out her moan as she came apart, which triggered his own release.

They were still for a moment until she started to laugh.

"Talk about bad timing." She chuckled and kissed his shoulder where a bite mark was already showing.

He laughed with her and sat up slowly, looking down at her. She was stretching her body lazily and it was all he could do to not pounce on her again. She looked up at him and rolled her eyes at him with a smile.

"Easy there, cowboy. We have to go get the food, remember?" she teased him and sat up, looking for her clothes.

"I'll get it, Kate. Stay here." He touched her cheek and kissed her one more time before grabbing his jeans and putting them on.

He ran to her intercom and buzzed the delivery guy up. Looking for his wallet in his pocket, he realized he had thrown it on the floor earlier and went back to get it.

"Looking for this?" Kate asked, handing him the wallet.

"Yes! I knew I had thrown it somewhere near the couch." He took it with a smile and turned around to walk back to the door as the doorbell rang.

Before he could get any farther, she grabbed his hand, making him turn back to her.

"I just wanted to say thank you." She whispered, suddenly shy. He had a joke at the tip of his tongue, but kept it to himself.

"No need. I'm here for you, you know that." He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and she nodded, gratefully.

He kissed her cheek and walked to the door.

* * *

They ate in a comfortable silence and watched another movie on TV. It was close to midnight when Castle decided to call it a night and said he should head home. Kate had been lying on the couch with her feet on his lap and reached out to grab his hand before he could get up.

"Stay with me tonight." She said quietly and unsure. He had been so attentive and sweet to her all day that she was afraid to ruin it.

"You sure?" he asked her, lacing his fingers with hers.

"I don't want to be alone. Not tonight." She confessed and bit on her lip, waiting for his reaction.

She knew it was uncharacteristic of her to be so open with him, but she felt like the walls she had built so carefully around herself were slowly crumbling to the ground.

He nodded and she led him to her room. They settled comfortably in her bed and she fell asleep in a matter of minutes, listening to his heartbeat. During the night she woke him up, kissing down his body and let him remind her how great they were together.

She slept soundly after that, waking up to her alarm at 7 the next morning. Her head was tucked between his neck and shoulder and she was quickly realizing this was one of her favorite positions to cuddle with him. She gently kissed his neck and tried to extricate herself from his warm embrace, only to have him hold her tighter.

"Just five more minutes." She heard him mumble before placing a quick kiss on her hair.

"_You_ can have another five minutes, but I need to go take a shower and get ready for work." She smiled and leaned up to kiss him. "Morning." She whispered against his lips.

"Morning, detective." He grinned and pulled her in for another kiss, deepening it. "We should probably talk about this." He said quietly and she rested her chin on his chest.

"Alright. Let's talk." She told him and raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to start.

"Fine, I'll start." He rolled his eyes with a smile, pulling her fully on top of him. "Are you sure you want this? I mean, I know you and I know you don't do one night stands."

"Yes." She sighed and placed a quick kiss to his chest. "How about you?" she reached out and touched his stubbly chin, enjoying the roughness against her fingertips.

"You know I want to be with you, Kate." He offered her a small smile. "I was just waiting for you to be ready."

She bit her lip and smiled.

"Okay. So we're doing this." She said and he nodded eagerly. "Alright, Castle. We need to have a few ground rules."

"But, Kate…" he whined and she narrowed her eyes at him, shutting him up.

"One, this is between us. At least for now. I'm not ready for the whole paparazzi thing again. Are you okay with that?"

"Absolutely." He agreed and she nodded.

"Two, we keep things professional while we're at work. No PDAs, especially because we're keeping this to ourselves."

"Harsh, but I can handle it." He said and she rolled her eyes and shook her head, smiling. "Can I tell Alexis?"

"Sure. I wouldn't be comfortable if she didn't approve." She nodded and he smiled at her.

"She loves you, Kate. You have nothing to worry about."

"Yeah, well…" she sighed. "I think that's about it. For now. I'm sure I'll think of something else later." She grinned at him and he pulled her in for a kiss. "Rick, I really need to go get ready for work." She said after a moment.

"No problem, we can continue this in the shower." He winked at her and got up, carrying her to the bathroom.

No need to say she was a little late for work that morning.

* * *

**I know I'm already getting a brand new episode for my birthday (which happens to be today - jan 3rd), but do this girl a favor and let me know what you thought? Reviews will be the best birthday present a writer could ask for. ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait. I have chronic tendinitis in my right hand and wrist and it flares up from time to time, so I couldn't write much for the past few days. The pain eased up a bit today so I wrote this monster of a chapter. Now it hurts again, so it'll probably be a little while before the next update.**

**Thank you so much for the awesome feedback and birthday wishes. You guys are the best!**

**Disclaimer: Castle is still not mine.**

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**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 9**

"I love this whole secrecy thing, you know?" he said, trailing down kisses between her neck and shoulder.

They were in the break room at the precinct. Kate was making herself a cup of cappuccino when she heard someone sneak into the room and stop right behind her, before a pair of arms encircled her waist. Rolling her eyes at his actions, but secretly enjoying it, she let out a satisfied sigh when his tongue brushed against the sensitive skin behind her ear.

"Makes you feel like a spy, doesn't it?" she teased, grabbing her mug from the coffee maker and taking a sip, savoring the taste of the hot liquid.

"You have no idea." He whispered and nipped at her ear, pulling her tighter against his body.

She closed her eyes and allowed herself to enjoy the feeling and the butterflies in her stomach for a moment. When he didn't pull away, she let out a heavy sigh and turned around in his arms, her hand on his chest to keep him at a distance.

"You know we can't do this here, Castle." She told him, but he only took her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, and kissed it. "You're impossible." She shook her head with a small smile.

"But I've been so good lately, Kate. Perfect behavior at work. Perfect behavior at home, especially in bed." He wiggled his eyebrows at her with a smirk and she scoffed, blushing involuntarily.

"Right, perfectly modest too." She laughed, rolling her eyes for what felt like the thousandth time that day and he narrowed his eyes at her.

"Hey, now, don't laugh. The fact that you're blushing just means that you agree with my statement." He told her with a cheeky grin and a wink.

"Well, can't say I've got any complaints." She leaned in and brushed her lips lightly against his, biting on his bottom lip gently. "But now is not the time or place to discuss your behavior as a boyfriend. Let's get back to work."

She tried to push him away, but his hold on her tightened.

"I'm going to miss you." He nuzzled her neck, nipping her skin lightly.

Kate thanked whatever higher power out there that the bullpen was pretty much empty, aside from her boys. It was late, close to 10pm, and they were just closing a case. Ryan and Esposito were busy doing paperwork and she had decided to get a cup of coffee to prevent herself from falling asleep at her desk.

Castle had kept her up most of the night doing all kinds of delicious things to her body – which she was most definitely not complaining about – and she had gotten barely three hours of sleep. It had been a really long day and they had hit a lot of dead ends on this case, before finally cracking it.

Now she was dragging her feet and couldn't wait to go home.

"I'm going to miss you too." She whispered and let him kiss her for a few seconds.

He was leaving the next morning to promote his book in the Midwest and she was already dreading that she wasn't going to see him for three days. Ever since they had decided to actually give this relationship a shot two weeks ago, they hadn't been apart for more than a few hours, even sleeping at each other's places most nights. Now the fact that he was going to be gone and she would have to sleep alone for the next three days was a little daunting.

He hadn't even left yet and she already missed him.

Which was completely ridiculous, if you asked her. She was a 31-year old independent woman and here she was pining over the fact that she wasn't going to see her boyfriend for a few days.

_Ridiculous._

Sure they had had feelings for each other for two years, but now that they were actually together, things had just sort of exploded. She knew they were still in the honeymoon phase where they couldn't get enough of each other and she felt like jumping him and letting him ravish her body several times a day. She knew that was normal with any new relationship; what boggled her mind, however, was the intensity of those feelings.

Everything seemed more intense with him, the sensations were heightened, she missed his touch and her feelings for him were a little difficult to be kept under wraps like she had been so used to doing so before all this.

If she didn't know any better, she might even start to think that she was falling for him. Which was a completely ridiculous thought in itself because it was entirely too soon. Of course she knew that it was a definite possibility down the road, but it had only been _two weeks_. She couldn't possibly be in love with him already.

"You could fly out there during the weekend." He suggested and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"Right, because that wouldn't be suspicious at all." She took a sip of her cappuccino and leaned into his touch, when his hand caressed her cheek. "It's only three days. I think we'll survive." She offered him a small smile.

"I don't think I will. Two entire weeks with you and then nothing for three days? I don't think my body can take that kind of withdrawal." He grinned and kissed her lips again.

She leaned in and bit his earlobe lightly.

"Just think that when you come back, we'll have to make up for those three days. I'm sure it'll be worth it." She whispered in his ear and sucked on his pulse point for a second. When she pulled back, the look in his eyes almost made her throw caution to the wind and jump him right then and there.

"Yo, Beckett." They heard Esposito calling just outside the break room and pulled apart as if they had been burned. "Am I interrupting something?" he smirked, entering the room.

"Nope. What's up?" Kate asked casually, sipping her coffee to cover the blush creeping up her neck.

"Just letting you know we're calling it a night. I'm beat and Ryan is anxious to meet his bride." He told her and she nodded. "You guys staying? We've got pretty much all the paperwork done already."

"No, we're leaving too. You need a ride home, Castle?" she glanced at him and gripped her mug tighter to stop herself from reaching out and touching him.

"If it's not going to bother you." He answered and she gave him a small smile, their eyes locking together for a moment.

"Alright, goodnight, you two. Castle, bring back some hotties' numbers from your tour, will ya?" Esposito winked at him and Kate rolled her eyes at her boys.

"Just wait until Lanie hears about that, mister." She narrows her eyes at him and he throws his hands up, defensively.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help a brother out. It's not for me." He defends himself and Kate laughs. "Please, don't tell her."

"You'd better behave in front of her best friend, then."

"Sure thing, boss." He blurted out and turned around to leave. "See you tomorrow." He called out over his shoulder before taking the elevator with Ryan.

She laughed and finished her cappuccino. Castle went to get their things at her desk while she washed the mug and put it back in its place. When he came back into the room, he helped her into her coat and, after checking that they were really alone, she laced her fingers through his and leaned against his side while they waited for the elevator.

"Tired?"

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. She relaxed in his arms and leaned her head back on his shoulder.

"Exhausted." She yawned involuntarily and he pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Want to sleep over tonight? My place?"

"Sure." She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. "Oh, and for the record? I don't share." She said after a few seconds. "So you'd better behave in that trip of yours."

He laughed and she felt him nod before turning her around to kiss her.

"You most definitely don't need to worry about that, detective." He said against her lips and she smiled before deepening the kiss.

* * *

She watched him sleep the next morning. It was still too early, but she couldn't go back to sleep, so she settled for watching him for a few minutes. He looked even more like a little boy with his features relaxed in sleep. He looked so innocent, with his hair adorably messed up – which she knew was partly her fault after their activities before they finally succumbed to sleep last night – and his mouth slightly open. Leaning in, she placed a light kiss on his nose. He reached out to scratch it and his eyes fluttered open.

"Hi." He mumbled groggily. She leaned in again and pressed her lips against his, feeling his arm tighten around her.

"Go back to sleep. It's too early." She whispered and he nodded, falling back asleep in a matter of seconds.

She stayed in his arms for another ten minutes, until her phone rang again, indicating it was already 7am. With a sigh, she gently extricated herself from his arms and smiled when he turned to lie on his stomach and hugged her pillow closely. Feeling a warm sensation in the pit of her stomach, she knew it had nothing to do with lust. She had her suspicions about what it was, but refused to admit it to herself just yet.

It was way too soon, she thought, making her way to the bathroom.

* * *

Later that day, she was discussing a case with Ryan and Esposito when her phone rang.

She had left Castle's place hours ago, when he was getting ready to go to the airport. She gave Alexis a ride to school – making her feel incredibly domestic, which scared the crap out of her, if she was honest with herself – and drove to the precinct for another day of paperwork. It was midmorning when they got called out to a scene and they had just gotten back in and were setting up the murder board.

"Beckett." She answered and was surprised to hear Alexis' voice on the other side of the line.

"Detective Beckett, hi." The teen said quietly and Kate knew that something was up by her tone of voice. "Is this a bad time?"

"Not at all, Alexis. What's up?" she reassured her, concerned.

"Well, I kind of got hurt at school and they couldn't reach Gran and Dad is out of town…" she trailed off and Kate was touched that Little Castle had thought of calling her.

"What happened, sweetie?" the endearment came out without her consent, but she found that she wasn't as bothered by it as she thought she would be.

"I was in gym practice and we were playing soccer and one of the girls kicked my ankle by accident." She explained, her voice a little strained. "They took me to the hospital."

"How bad is it?" Kate asked, walking over to her desk to grab her coat and purse.

"I'm not sure, but it hurts a lot." She said quietly, as if she was embarrassed. "They took me to get x-rays done and gave me something for the pain. They think it might be broken."

"Where are you? Which hospital did they take you to?"

"New York Presbyterian."

"Alright. Hang in there, Lex. I'm on my way." Kate said and hung up. Putting on her coat, she walked back to the boys. "Hey, guys? I'm going to have to go out for a couple of hours. Castle's daughter got hurt in school and they can't reach her grandmother and Castle's out of town." She explained.

"Is she okay?" Ryan asked, concerned.

"Yeah, but they took her to the hospital. She may have broken her leg."

"Ouch." Esposito said, grimacing. "Do you want us to go with you?"

"No, that's okay. You guys can go ahead and check the vic's phone records and financials. See if anything weird pops. I'll be back as soon as I can." She told them and they nodded.

The drive to the hospital took longer than she expected because traffic was insane for most of the way there. When she finally parked her car near the hospital, it had been almost an hour since Alexis' call. Concerned about the teen all by herself and in pain, she hurried up the front steps and stopped by the nurse's station, calling out to the first nurse she saw there.

"Excuse me?" she said and the nurse turned around.

"Yes, can I help you?" the young nurse said, putting a chart back on the counter.

"Yes, I'm looking for Alexis Castle. She was brought here earlier."

"Oh, right, yes. The doctor is talking to her now. Are you her mother?" she inquired and Kate opened and closed her mouth a few times, thinking about how to answer that.

"Not really. I ,uh… I work with her dad, but he is out of town and apparently the school couldn't reach her grandmother so…"

"Oh, you're the detective!" the nurse smiled excited. "You're Richard Castle's muse, right? It's so nice to meet you!"

Kate blushed and offered her a small smile, embarrassed.

"Yes, I'm Detective Kate Beckett." She bit on her lip nervously and looked around to see if someone had heard the nurse's outburst. "Can I go see her?"

"Sure thing. Come on, I'll take you there. She broke her ankle, the poor thing."

"Yeah, she told me. How bad is it?" Kate asked as the bubbly nurse led her through the ER.

"Well, the doctor will tell you all about it, but she's definitely going to be using crutches for a while." She said and opened the curtain, revealing the young red head, lying on the gurney.

"Detective Beckett, you came." Alexis smiled and Kate squeezed her hand and leaned down to press a kiss to the girl's forehead, surprising even herself with that action.

"I already told you to call me Kate, Lex." She said with a smile and the teen nodded. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, really." Alexis said.

"Miss Castle has a broken ankle." A male voice interrupted and Kate turned around. "Hi, I'm Dr. Samuels." An attractive man reached out to shake her hand.

"Kate Beckett." She shook his hand with a small smile. "So how is she?" she asked, sitting on the edge of Alexis' gurney.

"Well, she's going to have to stay off her feet for at least six weeks. That was one nasty blow she took and cracked her bone. We're taking her to put on a cast and she can go home after that."

"Okay, great." The nurse started to roll the gurney into the corridor. "I'll wait for you here, Lex." She called out to the teen and Alexis turned around as best as she could to look at her.

"Hey, Kate? Thank you."

Kate nodded and smiled at the girl.

"Don't worry about it, sweetie. I'll call your dad to let him know you're okay." Once Alexis and the nurse were out of sight, Kate turned back to the doctor. "So she's really okay?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine in no time. I'll prescribe her something for the pain and she must stay off that ankle for six weeks." He recommended and Kate nodded, fishing her phone from her coat pocket. "Are you her mom?"

"No, her mom lives in California." Kate explained.

"So you're the stepmom?" he asked curiously and Kate sighed.

"No, I just work with her dad." She said and he smiled.

"Can I offer you a cup of coffee while you wait for her?" He suggested in flirty tone and Kate fought hard to keep from rolling her eyes.

"I'm taken, sorry." She smiled at him apologetically.

"Oh. Well, I'll go take care of her prescription and discharge papers."

"Thank you." She sighed in relief when he left and sat down on a metal stool to wait for Alexis. She looked down at her phone and was about to hit Castle's speed dial number when his name appeared on her screen. "I was about to call you." She answered with a smile.

"Hey, I just got Alexis' message. What happened?" he sounded panicky and she felt for him.

"Don't worry, Rick. She's okay. I'm already at the hospital with her." She explained. "She got hurt during gym class. Broke her ankle."

"Oh god…" he fretted on the other side of the line. "How is she now?"

"They gave her something for the pain and she's getting a cast and crutches. The doctor said she needs to stay off that ankle for six weeks." She told him and heard him sigh. "Other than that, she's fine. Don't worry, she's a brave girl."

"It scared the hell out of me." He said quietly and she wished she could give him a hug. "The message just said that she was in the hospital and that she had called you." He sighed again. "Thank you so much, Kate."

"No problem, Rick. You know you can count on me, right? It was the least I could do." She whispered. "Did you get there okay? I've been meaning to call, but we got a case and then Alexis called."

"Yeah, I have an interview and an autograph session in about an hour."

"Alright. You stay away from those fan girls." She teased and was glad to hear him laugh.

"I love this jealous side of you, detective." He chuckled.

"I'm not jealous, I just don't share. That's all." She said with a smile.

"Of course." She could hear the smile in his voice. "I miss you already, you know?"

"That's too bad, cause I don't." she teased and he laughed again.

"Oh, you wound me, detective. That was so not cool." He said and she laughed.

"I miss you too, you big baby." She said quietly and that warm feeling popped up again in the pit of her stomach. Before she could think too much about it, the nurse wheeled Alexis in and Kate smiled at the teen. "Alexis is back. Do you want to talk to her?" she told him and handed the phone to her when Castle said yes.

While Alexis talked to her dad, Kate signed Alexis discharge papers and got the pain medication prescription from the doctor. When she came back to check on her, Alexis was already on a wheelchair, her leg propped up in a blue cast.

"Ready to go, Little Castle?" Kate asked and she nodded, handing her back the phone.

"Yeah. Dad asked you to call when we get home." Alexis said and Kate wheeled her out of the infirmary.

"He was crazy worried about you, you know?"

"I didn't mean to scare him." The teen said quietly and Kate touched her shoulder.

"He's a parent, it's his job to worry about his kid." She said and Alexis nodded. "He'll be fine. Did you talk to Martha?"

"Her phone is still off. You can just drop me off at home. I'll be fine, Kate."

"No way, Lex. I'm staying with you until your grandmother gets home. We can watch a movie or something." She said and Alexis smiled brightly.

"Can we get some ice cream on the way?" she asked excited and Kate could really see the resemblance with Castle there.

"Sure." She smiled.

She was dialing Esposito's number to let him know she would still be a while, when she heard someone calling her name. She turned around and immediately regretted doing so.

"Kate!" Josh ran toward her. "What are you doing here?" he asked, looking from her to Alexis. Great, Kate thought.

_Just freakin' great._

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**Thoughts?**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I am so so sorry I took forever to update. My tendinitis got a lot worse after I posted chapter 9 so I had to take it easy for a couple of weeks. Thank you so much for your reviews on this and on my Knockdown one-shot. You guys are insanely awesome. You make me want to be a better writer.**

**Hope you enjoy this one.**

**Disclaimer: Castle? Nope. Not mine. Yet.**

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_Previously on Of Bars and Secrets_

_She was dialing Esposito's number to let him know she would still be a while, when she heard someone calling her name. She turned around and immediately regretted doing so._

_"Kate!" Josh ran toward her. "What are you doing here?" he asked, looking from her to Alexis. _

_Great, Kate thought._

_Just freakin' great._

_

* * *

_

**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 10**

"What are you doing here? Are you okay?" Josh asked when he reached them.

Kate closed her eyes for a moment, mentally preparing herself for what could possibly happen there.

"Hi. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just here to pick up Alexis." She said casually and hoped he would leave it at that. She really didn't want to have to explain why she was with Castle's daughter to her ex-boyfriend.

"Who is Alexis?" he asked, confused and then realized there was another person with Kate. "Oh. You never told me you had a little sister." He offered her a small smile and Kate felt like rolling her eyes.

"She is not. This is Castle's daughter. He is out of town and she couldn't reach her grandmother. So here I am. Lex, this is Dr. Josh Davidson." She explained and saw his expression darken for a second when she mentioned Castle's name.

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Davidson." Alexis smiled at him.

"Nice to meet you too, Alexis. What happened there?" he pointed at her cast and Alexis let out a sigh.

"Soccer match gone wrong. Broke my ankle." The teen told him and he nodded.

"That sucks."

"Tell me about it." She let out a heavy sigh and her phone rang. "Excuse me for a sec." She said and answered her phone. "Hi, Gram. No, I'm okay. Yeah, I got hurt at school. Broke my ankle. Yeah. No, no, don't worry about it. Kate is taking me home. Yeah, she's staying with me until you get home." Alexis caught Kate's eye and she nodded with a smile at the teen. "Yeah, I've already talked to dad. Okay. I love you too. Bye." The teen hung up and put her phone back in her back. "Sorry, that was my grandmother. Kate, she asked me to thank you and that she'll be home as soon as she can."

"No problem. Just enough time for our movie marathon." She grinned and Alexis beamed at her. She was really her father's daughter. "We should get going. I'll see you around, Josh." She turned and started pushing Alexis' wheelchair toward the entrance.

"Kate, wait!" Josh called out and jogged after them. "Listen, I feel really bad about what happened. I shouldn't have walked out on you like that." He touched her arm, making her look up at him.

"Don't worry about it. It's all in the past." Kate shrugged, but he shook his head.

"No, listen. Let me make it up to you. Please?" he insisted and she sighed.

"Josh, this is not the best time or place to discuss this, alright? Let's just forget about this. I have to take Alexis home."

"I'll call you later, then." He said and Kate fought the urge to roll her eyes at him.

"Bye, Josh. Let's go, Lex." She ignored his last statement and pushed through the entrance's doors.

When they finally reached her car and she helped Alexis get inside the vehicle, Kate sighed in relief.

_That had been awkward. _

When Little Castle had told her she had been taken to New York Presbyterian, the possibility of running into Josh there hadn't even crossed her mind. Now she admonished herself for not considering it. She really didn't feel like explaining her relationship with her ex to Alexis, but after this awkwardness fest, she felt like she had to, even if she knew that the teen wouldn't pry.

At least he hadn't asked anything about Castle, she thought, settling behind the wheel.

Thank God for small favors.

* * *

They stopped to get ice cream on the way home. The drive to the loft was silent and Kate knew Alexis was wondering about what had happened back at the hospital. The young girl kept stealing glances at her when she thought Kate wasn't looking and the detective had to smile at the similarities between Castle and Little Castle. She was trying to be inconspicuous, but it was turning almost into an amusing game of hide and seek.

"Sorry about what happened back there at the hospital, Lex." Kate decided to break the silence after a few minutes. "Running into ex-boyfriends is always a little awkward." She smiled sheepishly and Alexis giggled.

"I guess. I'm sorry too. It's kind of my fault because I asked you to go pick me up." Alexis said and Kate shook her head.

"It was not your fault, Alexis. Don't even think that. We just…" She let out a sigh before continuing. "We didn't end things at the best of terms. Actually, I thought he would never even talk to me again, he was so mad."

"What happened?" the girl asked curiously, but then caught herself, her eyes wide. "I mean, you don't have to tell me. It's none of my business." She mumbled, blushing.

Kate chuckled.

"Your dad happened. Josh got jealous. Told me to have a nice life and slammed my door on his way out." She shrugged. Alexis didn't need to know that she had been making out with her father behind Josh's back. What kind of example would she be setting for this girl if she found out what really happened?

"Wow. I'm sorry." The redhead said sympathetically, but Kate shrugged it off.

"It was for the best. And it would've happened sooner or later. Your dad… well, let's just say he doesn't give up easily." She said and Alexis laughed.

"Well, I'm sorry things didn't work out with Dr. Davidson. But I'm really glad you and dad worked things out between you two. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy like he has been for the past couple of weeks." She smiled at Kate and bit her bottom lip for a moment. "I don't mean to pry or scare you, but he really cares about you, Kate. He's in it for the long run."

Kate smiled.

"Yeah, I know." She mused quietly.

And that was exactly what scared her.

* * *

Alexis fell asleep soon. They hadn't even made it halfway through Inception when the pain meds finally kicked in and the teen dozed off on Kate's shoulder. Kate maneuvered the young girl so she was lying with her head on her lap and her casted leg resting more comfortably across the couch. She tried to pay attention to the movie playing on the big screen in front of her, but her mind took her elsewhere.

What Alexis had said earlier kept playing over and over again in her mind and she couldn't shake the panicky feelings threatening to overcome her. She knew she was headed towards that direction. Falling in love with Rick had been pretty much a given since they had started this and that was what scared her the most. That was what had made her hesitate so much since they had first kissed back in December. She knew she would inevitably fall for him and she wasn't sure she was ready to risk her heart just to live in the moment.

Things were great right now. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this happy, this content with a relationship. But the matter of the fact was that it had only been two weeks. They were giddy, they couldn't keep their hands to themselves and reveled in each other's presence. That was now. Who's to say that wasn't going to change down the road?

She knew she was being pessimistic, but really, with their track record it wasn't all that unlikely. She cared about Rick, she really did. The intensity of her feelings for him matched her fear of committing herself to him, which just left her at one hell of a crossroads. She didn't want to give too much of herself for fear of getting her heart broken, but she also didn't want to keep too much of herself guarded for fear that it would alienate him and he would give up on her.

The problem was that she felt it was already too late. That warm feeling in the pit of her stomach she had been feeling for the past few days looked a lot like love. She had been in love before; it wasn't a completely foreign notion to her. But what she felt for Castle was different.

She couldn't really explain what it was as she hadn't quite figured it all out herself. But whatever it was, it was real. It was intense. It was like the other times she had been in love times a hundred. In record time.

She wasn't ready for this. It was too soon.

And at the same time, too late.

* * *

She awoke with a start. It was several hours later and Alexis was still sleeping on her lap. Kate blinked, trying to get rid of any remnants of sleep and looked around the room. It was dark and the loft was illuminated softly by the light blue glow from the TV in front of her.

Rubbing a hand over her eyes with a yawn, she reached out and grabbed her phone from the arm rest next to her to check the time. With another yawn, she looked down at Alexis and ran a hand through her red hair softly, while checking her phone. Two things jumped out to her.

It was already 9pm, which meant that they had been asleep for the past four hours. She had been more tired than she had realized, Kate mused to herself. The second thing she noticed was that she had nine missed calls. Two from Rick, one from Lanie, one from Esposito and five from Josh.

Kate sighed. Guess he really decided to keep his word and call her to try and work things out. She hated this. Things were good between her and Rick, she didn't want any ex-boyfriends meddling with her relationship. She briefly entertained the notion of calling him back and get this over with once and for all, but decided against it. If he really wanted to talk to her, he would call again. Calling him back now would probably give him the wrong idea and she didn't want him to think she was interested in getting back together.

She decided to call Rick instead, but only got the voicemail. With a sigh, she called Esposito next.

"Esposito." He answered the phone after one ring.

"Hey, it's me." She said tried to stretch herself as much as she could without waking Alexis up.

"Hey, boss. How's Little Castle doing?" he asked lightly.

"She's okay. Broke her ankle and won't be able to do much for a few weeks, but other than that she's alright." Kate explained, looking down at Alexis' sleeping form with a small smile.

"Good, good. We were worried because you never called."

"Yeah, sorry about that. We got home and started watching a movie, but ended up falling asleep. Did you guys make any progress on the case?"

"Not much. We may be onto something with the guy's brother, but it's just a theory for now. We'll bring him in for questioning tomorrow morning."

"Okay, good. You guys can tell me all about it tomorrow." She yawned again and Esposito chuckled.

"You should go get some more sleep, Beckett." He teased and she rolled her eyes.

"I think I'm going to do just that. I'm just waiting for Martha to get home so I can go home and crash in my own bed."

"I'll let you go and I'll see you…" he trailed off. "Oh, wait. Lanie wants to talk to you. Hold on."

"Hey, girl." She heard her friend's voice and could pick up the slight teasing tone in her voice.

"Hi, Lanie. What's up?" she answered as casually as she could. She knew Lanie was onto her and Rick and had been trying to catch them in a lie for the past week.

"Just wondering how Alexis is doing."

"She's okay. The pain meds knocked her out so she's fast asleep." Kate explained and tried to get up without moving Alexis too much.

"Kate?" the teen mumbled groggily when she had finally gotten up and put a pillow under Alexis' head.

"Go back to sleep, sweetie. I'm just going to make us something to eat." She whispered and brushed Alexis' hair off her forehead softly. "She broke her ankle playing soccer earlier." She explained to Lanie on the phone as she made her way into the kitchen.

"Well, that stinks. And it's crazy painful too." The medical examiner said and Kate nodded to herself.

"I know. Been there, done that. So I tried to take her mind off of it for a bit and we had every intention of doing a movie marathon, but her meds kicked in halfway through the first movie. Guess I kind of dozed off too." Kate explained while looking for something to eat in the fridge unsuccessfully.

"It's a good thing you guys get along so well." She said and Kate knew she was trying to fish for some information.

"Yeah." She started to say, but stopped talking when she heard the door opening. "Hey, Lanie, I gotta go. Maybe we can grab some lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure. Looks like we have a lot to catch up on." She could hear the smile in her friend's voice and chuckled.

"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow." She said and hung up.

Walking back into the living room, she found Martha talking to a very sleepy Alexis.

"Hey, Martha." She smiled and the actress beamed.

"Oh, Kate, thank you so much for taking care of her." She got up and pulled Kate into a hug.

"No problem. It was my pleasure, really. How are you feeling, Lex?" She sat back down on the couch next to the girl.

"Sleepy. And my leg hurts a lot again." The teen grimaced and Martha kissed her forehead.

"How about we order in and then you can take your meds after you've eaten something?" Kate suggested. "And now that your grandma is here, I should go home after dinner."

"Nonsense, dear." Martha waved her off. "It's late. You should stay. You can sleep in Richard's room."

"Yeah, Kate. You should definitely stay." Alexis smiled at her and she found herself nodding without even thinking about it too much.

"Okay. What do you guys feel like eating?"

* * *

Kate woke up with a start again. This time she was in Rick's room and his familiar scent around the room soothed her. Grabbing her phone, she blinked against the harsh light. It was 1:35am. Good, she still had another five hours of sleep, she thought to herself happily and snuggled further, pushing the comforter tighter around herself.

She was almost falling back asleep when she felt something sink onto the mattress and then an arm wrapping around her waist. His scent enveloped her and she smiled sleepily.

"What are you doing here?" she mumbled and felt him kiss her neck softly, his stubble tickling her.

"I couldn't leave my little girl while she was hurt. It was killing me." He whispered and pulled her tighter against him. "Thank you for taking care of her for me."

"Don't worry about it." She told him and turned around to face him. "I'm so glad you're home." She whispered before kissing him lazily, her hands playing lightly with his hair at the back of his neck.

"Me too, Kate. Me too."

* * *

**Thoughts?**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thank you so much for your incredible feedback. You blow me away every time. Really.**

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**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 11**

The first thing her mind registered the next morning was that she was alone. Before even opening her eyes, she reached out her hand and touched his side of the bed. It was still warm, which meant he had gotten up not too long ago. Maybe that was what woke her up because, as she checked the time on her phone, she realized it was too early and her alarm hadn't gone off yet.

Blinking away any remnants of sleep, she slowly sat up and stretched her arms above her head. It was barely six in the morning, but she decided to get up, anyway. She could get a head start on the investigation she knew was waiting for her at the precinct.

Rubbing her eyes, she made her way to the bedroom door and stepped out into the corridor, only to find Rick leaning against Alexis' doorsill with a mug in his hands. She smiled at the scene. His hair was a total mess and he was wearing mismatched socks – which was completely adorable – but the look on his face was the one thing that sent the butterflies in her stomach into overdrive. A clear image suddenly invaded her mind and she could see him with that exact same expression looking at a newborn baby, with a tuff of dark hair and green eyes, holding onto his finger. Before her imagination could lose control, she shook her head to dissipate the thought.

_No_, she told herself, with as much conviction as she could muster. She had no business having baby fantasies with Castle. Her feelings were really starting to scare her with their intensity and straight forwardness. These thoughts couldn't possibly lead to anything good. At least, not for a long while.

Their relationship was still so new that she was sure anything like that would break them. She mentally counted the days to her next period, suddenly nervous, and let out a relieved sigh when she realized she still had another week until then. Shaking her head again at her thoughts, she walked quietly to Alexis' door and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind.

"Morning." She whispered, placing a soft kiss on his back. She had felt him stiffen for half a second, but his entire body relaxed after he heard her voice.

"Morning." He replied and pulled her around himself so she was standing in front of him, her back to his chest and his arms around her waist. "What are you doing up? We don't have a case, do we?" he murmured against her hair and leaned down to kiss her neck.

Kate allowed herself to close her eyes and enjoy the feeling for a few seconds. Then, with a sigh, she turned around in his arms and rested her head over his heart.

"Actually we do, but I don't have to go in until 8. I was just wondering where you were. The bed was cold." She confessed and looked up at him, brushing his messy hair away from his forehead.

He leaned down and claimed her lips with his own.

"I just wanted to check on Alexis." He told her when they broke apart. "I never sleep well when she's sick. Her message yesterday scared the bejeezus out of me, you know?"

His hold on her waist tightened and he pulled her closer. She stood on her tiptoe and kissed his lips softly, trying to comfort him.

"I know. But she's okay now." She said, her hand gently caressing his cheek. He leaned into her touch, pressing a kiss on her palm.

"I know. It's a parent thing. No matter what happens, I'll always worry about her. I don't care that she's almost a grown woman. She will always be my baby girl." He offered her a small smile and she smiled back.

"Yeah. She was really brave yesterday, though. When I was about her age, I was in a car accident and broke my arm. All I could do was cry, then, but Alexis was like a fort." She assured him and he looked over proudly at his daughter sleeping peacefully in her bed.

"That's my girl." He whispered to no one in particular and Kate wrapped her arms around his waist again, pulling him closer. "Do you want to go back to bed and get some more sleep?" he asked her after a few minutes in silence.

"No, that's okay. I thought I'd go in earlier and go over what Ryan and Esposito dug up yesterday while I was with Lex."

"Did I tell you how relieved I was when you told me you were with her yesterday?" he whispered against her hair and placed a kiss on the top of her head. Kate looked up at him. "Thank you so much for taking care of her."

"You're welcome. It was my pleasure, really." She said with a smile and pressed her lips to his one last time before stepping away. "I'm going to go take a shower and get ready. You going to be okay here?" she took his hand in hers and laced their fingers together, not wanting to end their connection yet.

He nodded and gave her a peck on the lips. "Go. I'll take care of breakfast for you. Anything in particular you feel like eating?" he called after her as she made her way back to his room.

"Pancakes?" she said over her shoulder and he nodded.

"With enough chocolate syrup on it to feed a small army?" he winked at her with a grin and she laughed.

"You know me so well." She said and entered his room, shaking her head in amusement.

* * *

She was startled out of her thoughts when her phone vibrated in her back pocket.

_Are we still on for lunch?__ –L_

She had been at the precinct for the past four hours and staring at the murder board for the last 30 minutes and she still had nothing. She had left Rick's loft after having a delicious breakfast with him and Alexis, and gone straight to the Twelfth. She loved getting there earlier than everyone because it gave her the peace and quiet to think about whatever case she was working on. So she settled with Ryan's and Esposito's notes about the investigation and their updates on the murder board, but she still couldn't shed any light to the case.

Lanie's text reminded her that she was way overdue for a coffee break, so she made her way to the break room to make herself a cup of cappuccino and texted her friend back.

_Sure. Want to go now? I could use a break.__ –K_

After she sent her message, she took her mug from the coffee machine and leaned against the counter, savoring the rich taste of her cappuccino and how the caffeine spread deliciously through her veins. She really was a caffeine junkie, she thought to herself with an amused smiled.

_Meet me down here in ten?__ I'm just finishing up a body._

Kate read her friend's text and laughed. Only Lanie could talk about lunch and dead bodies in the same sentence like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

_Ok, I'll be right there. _

She finished her coffee and washed the mug quickly, placing it back where it belonged, and went back to the bullpen to grab her coat and purse.

"Hey, guys. I'm taking a lunch break with Lanie. Call me if anything comes up, alright?" she told Ryan and Esposito and they nodded.

"You got it, Becks." Ryan told her and she smiled at the nickname. He had taken to calling her Becks for the past few weeks and she thought it was really cute.

"Okay, I'll be back soon. Hold down the fort." She called over her shoulder, making her way to the elevator.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, she and Lanie were walking down the street on their way to their favorite restaurant. When they were almost there, however, she was surprised to see Rick walking in the restaurant's direction, looking like he was lost in his own little world.

She fought the smile trying to make its way to her lips and nudged Lanie.

"Look who's coming over there." She told her friend and the medical examiner looked at Castle surprised.

"I thought he was away for a tour." She said confused.

"Oh, he came back last night. Something about not being able to stay away from his kid when she was hurt and all that." Kate explained and Lanie nodded.

"That's really sweet." She commented as Castle got closer.

"I know." Kate said quietly, a smile playing on her lips. "Where do you think you're going, Castle?" she called out and laughed when Rick stopped and looked at her like she come out of thin air.

"What… How did you get here?" he asked, confused and both women laughed.

"We walked here, writer boy. We're having lunch. What are _you _doing here?" Lanie asked curiously.

"I, uh…" he looked at Kate, trying to figure out she wanted to play this. "I just thought I'd get Beckett some lunch. You know, to thank her for taking care of Alexis yesterday and all." He swallowed and Kate offered him a small smile to tell him it was okay. "I didn't know you were going out with Lanie for lunch." He said dejectedly for having his plans ruined.

Kate bit on her bottom lip and had to fight the urge to reach out and touch him.

"Well, maybe you can take some lunch back to the precinct? I'm sure the boys would love it. Thank you for thinking of bringing me lunch, though. That was sweet of you." She told him with a happy smile and he shrugged. "How's Alexis?"

"She's doing better. Mother is staying with her today." He explained, still looking a little put off. Lanie looked from Kate to Castle with a knowing smile.

"So how about I go in and secure us a table? You guys finish talking here." She announced and walked into the restaurant before either of them could say anything.

Kate waited a few seconds to see if her friend was really out of earshot and stepped closer to Castle.

"Hey, is everything okay, Rick?" she asked quietly, discreetly taking his hand in hers.

"Yeah." He smiled at her. "I just wanted to surprise you, that's all. You didn't say anything about going out with Lanie, so I just assumed you were staying at the precinct and would skip lunch like you usually do."

"I'm sorry for ruining your plans. Maybe we can have dinner later? I'll make it up to you, I promise." She told him with a little smirk and Rick seemed to cheer up completely.

"I like the way you think, detective." he said with a grin. "I miss you." He added, giving her hand a light squeeze. "I really wish I could kiss you right now." He whispered and she bit her lip, refraining to do just that.

"You do know that Lanie is probably watching our every move, right?" She raised her eyebrow at him and he sighed. "Look, I know this secrecy thing kind of sucks, but I want to enjoy my time with you without anyone interfering. And whenever we start telling people, that's exactly what's going to happen."

"I know, you're right. And I kind of like the whole secrecy thing. I just don't like it when I want to touch you like I do now and I can't do it." He involuntarily reached out and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Come on, I'll get the boys some lunch and leave you and Lanie alone to your girl talk."

Kate smiled and gave his hand one last affectionate squeeze before letting go and walking into the restaurant, with Castle following closely behind.

* * *

"So… is there anything you'd like to share, Ms. Beckett?" Lanie asked her when their food finally arrived.

Kate tried not to roll her eyes at her friend. She was so predictable.

"Not really, no." she said and took a sip of her Coke. "How are things going with Esposito?"

"Things are going great, but don't change the subject, young lady." Lanie shook her finger at Kate. "There's something going on with you and Castle. I can feel it."

"Oh, you can feel it, can you?" she said with an amused smile.

"Call it my spidey senses, as Castle himself would say. I know you, sweetie. There's something different about you. You seem… happier, I guess, lately."

Kate was about to respond when her phone rang. She fished it out of her purse and sighed when she saw who it was.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kate. How are you doing?" she heard Josh ask casually.

"I'm fine. You?" she asked to be polite.

"I'm great. Listen, I was just wondering if we could get a cup of coffee and talk things out. I feel really bad about how things ended between us and I'd like to give it another shot. What do you say? Can I pick you up at, say, 7?"

She was silent of a moment, trying to absorb and then dispose of all the arrogance he managed to transpire through the phone.

"Josh, I already told you. There's nothing to talk about. It's over." She said patiently, hoping he would get the hint and leave her alone.

"No, Kate, listen. I'm sorry. Give me another chance. We were so good together." He insisted.

"You told me to have a nice life and slammed the door on my face. I understood the message. It's over and I'm not interested anymore. Not after this." She told him, pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation.

"I shouldn't have done that. I was just mad and wasn't thinking. I don't see why we couldn't give it another shot. I'm single, you're single…"

Kate closed her eyes and prepared herself for what she was about to say.

"I'm seeing someone." She said quietly, praying that Lanie wouldn't catch it, but from the look on her friend's face, she wasn't as quiet as she thought.

Damn it.

"It's him, isn't it? I knew it. As if it's not enough to cheat on me, you flaunt it in my face now?"

She sighed, willing the headache pounding in her brain to subside.

"Josh, can we please not talk about this now? I'm trying to have lunch with a friend here. We can discuss this later." She said, but with absolutely no intention of following through.

"Damn right we'll talk about it later. This is not over, Kate." He said angrily and hung up.

Kate looked at her phone for a moment, befuddled, before putting it back in her purse.

"Well, that sounded fun." Lanie commented and Kate laughed.

"Yeah, you can say that again."

"You broke up with Dr. McDreamy?" she asked gently and Kate nodded.

"Yeah, over a month ago." Kate replied, running a hand through her hair.

"Why didn't I know about this?"

Kate shrugged. "Never really came up, I guess. And we haven't really talked in a while so…"

"Are you okay, though?" Lanie asked concerned.

"Sure. It's just that I ran into him yesterday at the hospital and he got into his head that he wants to get back together. He's been calling incessantly." She took a piece of her lasagna and moaned at the taste. "This is so good."

"Mhmm." Lanie nodded and looked at her suspiciously. "What about this supposed someone you're seeing? It doesn't happen to be a famous mystery novelist, does it?"

She arched an eyebrow at her and Kate felt herself starting to blush. Damn it, now she was really screwed.

"Lanie…" she started, but the medical examiner interrupted her.

"Ha! I knew it!" she exclaimed excitedly. "I knew there was something different about you two. How long has this been going on, girl? Oh, this is so great!"

"I never said anything was going on." Kate still tried to backpedal, even though she knew it was already too late.

"Girlfriend, I swear I'm gonna smack you if you try to deny this." She threatened. "I'm your best friend, you can tell me." She added, softly.

"Since December."

"Wait, _what_? Are you telling me that you've been seeing Castle for three months and you didn't_ tell me_?" Lanie looked at her in shock.

"Well, actually, no. We kissed for the first time back in December. But we've only been officially together for a little over two weeks." She told her friend and felt a little relieved at finally talking to someone about this. "It's been really complicated."

"Love usually is, honey. So back in January when those pictures came out…"

"We were sort of together, then, yes." She sighed. "Like I said, it's really complicated.

"Well, we still got about an hour until we have to go back. Fill me in on why you and Castle are so complicated." Lanie pretty much demanded and Kate rolled her eyes with a smile.

* * *

An hour later, they paid for the bill and, while Lanie went to the ladies room, Kate called Rick.

"Lanie knows." She said when he picked up.

"Does that mean I can tell Ryan and Esposito?" he asked with a chuckle.

"_No._ We'll be right there. Don't tell anyone anything. Unless you don't want to know what I've got planned for you tonight." She finished with a sultry tone in her voice and tried not to laugh when she heard him take a deep breath.

"Oh, detective, you're such a tease. My lips are sealed. For now."

"This is me rolling my eyes at you. We're still on for dinner tonight, right?" she asked, twirling a strand of her hair around her finger, distractedly.

"Absolutely."

"Okay, I'll see you soon." She smiled contentedly.

"See you soon. Love you." He said and hung up.

Kate's hand froze on her hair and her breath caught.

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**Thoughts?**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: First of all, I am so so sorry I took forever to update. Things have been a little crazy and I had a monster of a writer block that refused to leave me. I hope you guys are still interested in this story after so long. Thank you so much for all your reviews and support. You guys rock my world.**

**Disclaimer: Castle is not mine.**

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**Of Bars and Secrets**

**Chapter 12**

"Well, you look like you've just seen a ghost."

Lanie's voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked up at her friend, who had just come back from the ladies room. She blinked, trying to process what Lanie had said, but all her mind seemed to be capable of thinking were Castle's last two words before he hung up the phone.

He loved her.

_He_ loved _her._

Oh, sweet baby Jesus, _he_ _loved her._

What was she supposed to do now? She knew she cared about him deeply; knew she probably loved him right back, but wasn't this kind of too soon? Had he even realize what he had just said to her? Because the way he said it, like it was something he was so used to say to her; how the words just rolled out of his tongue in the most casual way possible, as if they had been together and in love for ages.

She swallowed hard, trying to think about how she was supposed to play this. Should she say something? What if it was a mistake and he was beating himself up for letting it slip, something he just said automatically to his daughter and Martha? Maybe he had just been distracted and the words slipped out. Maybe he didn't mean anything by it.

On the other hand, his actions for the past few months entirely contradicted that thought. He had been nothing but kind to her, respecting her wishes and giving her space when she needed to think things through. Wasn't that something you did for someone you loved?

"Kate? You there?" she heard Lanie's voice again and shook her head, trying to make those jumbled feelings and thoughts disappear.

"Yeah, sorry. Spaced out for a second." She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose; a slight headache was already pressing in.

"You can say that again. What's got you so worked up? You're as pale as one of my corpses." Lanie asked in a light tone, but she could see the concern in her friend's eyes.

"Nothing. Just thinking." She shook her head again and stood up. "You ready to go?"

"Is this about Dr. McDreamy? Is he harassing you that much? Should I call the boys to kick his ass?" She asked the questions really fast, pointing out the last one with one of her infamous glares and Kate had to smile at her over protectiveness.

"Don't worry, Lanie. I'm fine. You know how I am. Just over thinking things."

"You should just relax, girl. Allow yourself to be happy for once." Lanie smiled at her and elbowed her playfully as they walked out of the restaurant. "And from what I can see, writer boy is making you pretty damn happy right now."

"Yeah, he is." Kate said quietly, a smile blossoming on her lips.

Maybe he shouldn't worry so much. After all, he did make her happy.

* * *

Well, shit. What the hell had he just said to her?

He knew he loved her, but he hadn't wanted to say it like that. He had wanted it to be special, so she could actually feel loved and cherished. Because he did; he loved her so much he couldn't even bare the thought of not having her in his life. He wanted to take care of her and hold her and kiss her and worship her. Telling her those three magical words (two, if you wanted to be technical) over the phone was not how he had envisioned it at all.

He hoped against hope that he hadn't scared her away. He knew how afraid she was and how she had been incredibly reluctant to jump in a relationship with him. Professing his undying love for her only a couple of weeks into said relationship would probably make her run away screaming.

Well, maybe she didn't hear it. Maybe she hung up before he said anything.

He sighed. Who was he kidding? He was well aware that he had hung up first. Running a hand through his hair, he spotted Ryan and Esposito walking towards him so he made a decision. It was done and there was no use freaking out over something he couldn't take back. He meant it and maybe that was not the best way to tell her, but there was nothing he could do now. It was already out there and the ball was in her court. If she said anything about it, he would say it again; this time he would handle it better than he had earlier.

If she didn't mention anything… well, they had plenty of time.

"Hey, Castle, we're going to go pick up the suspect for questioning. You up for a road trip?" Esposito asked, leaning against Kate's desk.

Rick was tempted to go with them so he wouldn't have to face Kate after his sudden confession, but decided against it. He would have to confront this sooner or later and he wanted to make sure things were alright between them. If she had too much time to think, he was sure she would start pulling back and he didn't want that. He couldn't handle that, not now. Not when things were going so well.

"No, I'll just hang out here until Beckett comes back." He said casually and both detectives raised an eyebrow at him.

He felt like kicking himself. As if that wasn't suspicious at all. He really was a damn puppy when it came to her.

"You sure? They're having those girl talks. She could still be a while." Ryan argued, but he shook his head.

"No, I talked to her just now. They're already on their way back." He explained and they smirked at him, but apparently decided to let him off the hook.

"Alright, suit yourself." Ryan's blue eyes sparkled with amusement and Rick felt the urge to glare at him.

"Yeah, I'll see you guys later." He said and turned his attention to his phone as Ryan and Esposito walked towards the elevator. Once they were out of sight, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He really needed to watch his words better.

Half an hour passed by and he started to get restless. Where was she? The restaurant wasn't that far from here and she had said they were on their way. Right? He looked down at his phone and thought about calling her. His finger hovered over her name on his contacts list for a moment. He was about to press it when he heard the elevator ding and she walked into the bullpen.

Letting out a sigh in relief, he felt stupid and chuckled to himself. He really needed to get some kind of control for his imagination. Relaxing further into her chair, he tried to think about what he should tell her should she ask about what he had said on the phone.

He felt her presence next to him a moment before he heard her voice.

"Now what exactly is wrong with this picture?" he heard the teasing tone in her voice and smiled involuntarily, the urge to touch her somehow almost overwhelming his common sense.

"Nothing?" he said innocently and turned around to face her. She was biting on her lip, a small smile playing on her beautiful face.

"Get out of my chair, Castle." She rolled her eyes and hit his shoulder playfully, her hand lingering there a moment longer than socially acceptable between two colleagues. "Where are Ryan and Esposito?" she asked after he was settled on his own chair and she had reclaimed hers.

"They're picking up Evanston." He explained and leaned forward, resting his hand on her desk, close enough to brush against hers.

"Okay."

She nodded and looked at him for a minute. He thought he could see something in her eyes that he couldn't quite identify. It was a mix of tenderness and affection if he dared to put it into words.

He watched as her pinky finger reached out and brushed against his. When he looked back at her, she smiled softly at him and he smiled back, locking his pinky finger around hers. She didn't pull back.

Just like that, he knew they were okay.

* * *

Later that day, they stopped by Kate's apartment so she could get a change of clothes. She had originally planned to go home, but Rick ended up convincing her to go back to the loft with him. He didn't want to leave Alexis alone, but he didn't want to spend the night away from Kate, so they compromised and decided to do a movie night at the loft and order take out.

From the moment they had left the precinct, he couldn't keep his hands off of her, even if it was just to hold her hand or touch the small of her back. They took full advantage of the elevator, making out like teenagers until Kate reminded him there were probably cameras watching them and that if the content leaked, it would be the paparazzi nightmare all over again. He pouted, kissed her again, but took a step away from her in the end, settling for holding her hand.

When they walked into the loft, Alexis and her boyfriend Ashley were on the couch watching TV and eating popcorn. Kate looked at Rick and saw how relieved he seemed to be that they hadn't walked in on them making out.

"Hey, Lex." She greeted the teenage girl and took her shoes off.

"Kate, you're back." Alexis asked, sitting up from her comfortable position on Ashley's lap. She had been lying on the couch, her leg propped up on a pillow and her head resting on her boyfriend's thigh. "Are you staying for dinner?"

"Yeah. Your dad and I thought we could order something and watch a movie. How does that sound?" she smiled at her and the teen nodded.

"Sounds great. Ashley, this is Detective Beckett." She introduced them and Kate smiled at the boy, shaking his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Ashley. Heard a lot about you." She said and sat on one of the reclining chairs.

"You too, Detective." He sounded a little intimidated by her and she thought it was adorable.

"You can call me Kate, Ashley. I'm not on duty." She chuckled as Rick came by and kissed his daughter's forehead.

"How are you doing, pumpkin?" he asked and sat on the arm of Kate's chair.

"Better. Ashley has been taking good care of me." She smiled at her dad and his gaze shifted to the young man.

"Not too good, I hope." He said lightly, but Kate could sense the threat in his tone.

"No, Mr. Castle. We've just been watching TV." Ashley told him quickly and he nodded.

"_Dad._" Alexis warned and Kate slapped his arm.

"What, I'm just kidding. How about we order a pizza and get started on the movie?" He said and turned to Kate. "Do you want to go change before we start?" he asked quietly and Kate could feel the teenagers' gaze on them.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to take a shower. Can you order the pizza?" she stood up and brushed his hair away from his forehead. When he nodded, she leaned in and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "I won't be long."

While Kate was in the shower, Rick decided to select the movies they would be watching that night. Once that was taken care of, he made his way to the kitchen and took a beer from the fridge, enjoying the cold, relaxing drink as he ordered their pizza. It had been one hell of a day. Things seemed to be fine between them and Kate hadn't mentioned anything, but he knew it would come up sooner or later.

He sighed and tried not to worry about it. They would be okay, he was sure of it.

The shrill ring of Kate's cell phone interrupted his thoughts and he picked it up from the kitchen table where she had left it before going upstairs. It was a number he didn't recognize, so he decided to answer, thinking it could be something important.

"Hello?" he said into the phone and took another sip of his beer.

"Who's this?" a male voice that sounded familiar asked in a not so friendly tone.

"Who do you wish to speak to?" he asked, frowning.

"Kate Beckett. Who is this?" the caller insisted and Rick found himself rolling his eyes.

"She can't come to the phone right now. I can take a message if you want." He said politely and heard the man chuckle humorlessly.

"You're the writer, right? Castle?"

"Yes, who is this?" Rick asked again, losing his patience.

"Kate's boyfriend." He said smugly and Rick's frown deepened.

"Well, I'm pretty sure you're not her boyfriend, so I'm going to hang up now."

"You turned her against me. We were good together and you took her away from me." The man said and something finally clicked in Rick's mind.

"Josh?"

"You know, I never figured her for the cheating type, but you've corrupted her. She was just fine before you came back." Josh carried on and Rick sighed. He should have just ignored her phone. "And she has no idea you're just going to use her and throw her away just like you do with all the dumb girls you get in your bed."

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Josh. What Kate and I have… I love her, okay? Stay out of our lives." He said quietly, but harshly and hung up, not giving the doctor a chance to reply.

When he turned around, Kate was standing on the other side of the kitchen island, her mouth slightly open, her hair dripping as the towel hung lose in her hands.

The silence that followed seemed to stretch out for an eternity. Their eyes never strayed from each other and it was Alexis who broke the spell, saying the delivery guy had arrived.

They didn't say anything and let the unsaid words hang over their heads the entire evening. At one point, they both seemed to relax as Kate curled up against him on the floor after they had finished the pizza and were just enjoying the movie. He ran his hands lightly up and down her arm, occasionally catching her looking up at him with that look he couldn't quite decipher. Not letting himself dwell too much on it, he would always steal a quick, innocent kiss, aware that his daughter and her boyfriend were in the room too.

Hours later, after walking Ashley to the door (since Alexis couldn't walk and he wanted to be nice to the kid) and taking Alexis to her room and tucking her in, he finally made his way to his room. Kate had gone up ahead of him and when he opened the door, she was already in his bed, lying on her side apparently asleep.

He took a moment to look at her and appreciate how lucky he was to have a woman so extraordinary like her in his life. A few minutes later, after brushing his teeth and undressing to a t-shirt and boxers, he joined her in bed. She immediately gravitated towards him, nuzzling his neck. He threw an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, placing a kiss on her hair.

They were quiet for a while and he was sure she had fallen asleep when her voice startled him.

"Hey, Rick?" she whispered against his neck and kissed his skin softly.

"Hmm?" It was all he managed to say sleepily.

"I love you too." She told him and he stiffened for a second, letting her words wash over him.

_She loved him._

"Rick?" she leaned back to look at him, but he silenced her with a passionate kiss.

And then proceeded to show her just how much he agreed with her statement.

* * *

**Review and let me know what you think?**


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